Although it may have ended three years ago, Netflix’s Orange Is the New Black remains one of the hottest television shows of all time. On July 26, 2019 Jenji Kohan’s comedy-drama aired its finale episode, “Here’s Where We Get Off,” marking the end of an era of Netflix’s longest-running original series. Based on Piper Kerman’s memoir Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women’s Prison (2010) about her 15-month sentence in a minimal-security federal prison, the critically-acclaimed series follows a version of Kerman known as Piper Chapman (portrayed by Taylor Schilling), a woman in her mid-30s whose life is turned upside-down when she is sentenced to 15 months in Litchfield Penitentiary. There, she meets her ex-lover, Alex Vause, an international drug smuggler who expedited Piper’s incarceration by naming her as a co-conspirator at the trial.
During her time at Litchfield, Piper makes friends, enemies, even lovers — and it isn’t just her either. Prison can be a lonely place, so it’s only natural for the women of Litchfield to seek out some comfort in intimate human connection. Even the outsiders whose lives have been affected by the imprisonment sometimes find that their lives are lonesome as a solitary fiancé or a dead-beat correctional officer. Throughout six years of scandals, drama, and prison riots, relationships come and go, but whether or not these Orange Is the New Black relationships last, they are still the most entertaining of them all.
10. Piper Chapman and Larry Bloom
If nothing else, Piper’s involvement with Alex just proves how incompatible she and Larry really were. They were opposite ends of the spectrum entirely; Piper is a manipulative narcissist who thinks she’s the star of her own show, and Larry is a socially-inept loser whose career only takes off after his fiancée gets locked up and he capitalizes on her misfortune. Long story short, they’re both bad eggs from different baskets. That relationship was a recipe for disaster long before Piper ever got sentenced. When she meets Alex, it isn’t necessarily that Alex coerces her into cheating, it’s more accurate to say that Piper’s engagement was long over before she stepped foot in Litchfield and Alex was merely the enabler.
That being said, Larry and Piper do have their moments. It isn’t all bad. When we first meet them in “I Wasn’t Ready,” Kohan makes them immediately likeable; they’re the stereotypical domesticated couple whose scenes are sweet and wholesome. However, as much as Orange Is the New Black tries to get audiences rooting for them, as soon as Alex intervenes, all hope is lost for a boring, “hetero” — as Nicky eloquently puts it — wedding. Piper cheats on Larry, but he retaliates by sleeping with Polly, so they’re both at fault here and it makes for an unhealthy relationship.
9. Larry Bloom and Polly Harper
Flash-forward to Season Two and Larry is making moves with Piper’s BFF, Polly. In Polly’s defense, her husband at the time, Pete, had a neglectful and immature approach to parenthood that would make anyone want a divorce. When Pete leaves to travel Alaska for a month, Larry swoops in and grows closer to Polly, who eventually decides to end her marriage and pursue a relationship with Piper’s ex-fiancé. Just like Larry and Piper, Larry and Polly are nothing but bad news. On one hand, Polly should have fought for her marriage instead of looking for any reason to cheat on him. On the other hand, Larry acted on impulse after learning about Piper’s affair with Alex. In the end, Larry and Polly both betrayed Piper’s trust and friendship and that makes their relationship nothing but a rebound.
Separately, Larry and Polly are pleasant, good-natured and overall tolerable, but together — and especially where Piper is concerned — they have an extremely destructive, thoughtless relationship built on a history of unfaithful partners. Generally speaking, Polly is sensible and grounded in terms of her attitude, but she isn’t afraid to put her own needs before others, which was proven after she became romantically involved with Larry. Similarly, Larry presents himself as a loving and devoted partner to Piper, but as soon as the going gets tough — Larry gets going. Ultimately, when together, Larry and Polly are both despicable people and that common trait makes theirs a miserable match.
8. Piper Chapman and Stella Carlin
The term “situationships” exists for a reason. For anyone unfamiliar with the term, a situationship is defined as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.” Ruby Rose’s Stella is the epitome of casual hook-ups, so much so that she may as well have coined the term. Introduced in Season Three, Stella becomes a romantic interest of Piper’s before Piper frames her for possession of contraband, landing her a permanent reservation in Litchfield Max. After being assigned to the the sewing class, Stella meets Piper for the first time and conspires with her to run an illegal pantie-smuggling business from inside Litchfield. Piper begins to find Stella both alluring and provocative, leading to a “situationship” where the pair engage in sexual relations.
For all the Vauseman shippers out there, the Piper and Stella affair was all kinds of wrong. Just like Piper always does, she craves companionship whenever she feels a twinge of loneliness; with her main squeeze indisposed (disapproving of her pantie business) and Larry moving on to Polly, this leaves only Stella to provide that warmth and comfort. In the end, it doesn’t turn out well for Stella, but the short-lived situationship proves just how cut-throat and power-hungry Piper truly is. Although we can agree that Stella is used as a plot device to serve Piper’s character arc, the whole “friends with benefits” phase only stirs up drama for Piper and Alex, even if it does end with two-faced Stella’s bad karma catching up with her.
7. Carrie “Big Boo” Black and Linda Ferguson
After Linda Ferguson — otherwise known as Amelia Von Barlow — gets mistakenly mixed up in the chaos of the Litchfield riot, it’s none other than Big Boo who comes to her rescue as a knight in shining armor. Linda From Purchasing is shown to be manipulative, but highly competent in her role as a budgeteer and hopes to climb the corporate ladder. When the Litchfield riot commences in Season 5, Linda is unknowingly thrown into the fray and forced to adopt an alternate identity to blend in. During this time, she shows her softer side after beginning a genuine relationship with Big Boo. However, the relationship is cut short after Boo discovers photo evidence of her dating Joe Caputo and figures out that “Amelia” is actually “Linda” — the person responsible for Litchfield’s budget cuts and poor conditions.
In terms of the relationship itself, Boo and Linda are sweet together. Not only is it refreshing to see Linda’s sensitivity and desperation to be loved, but Boo also matures significantly and finds her feelings for Linda leaning more towards commitment than sexual gratification. Although the relationship never develops beyond the hopeless romantic stage, love-struck Boo is a definite polar-opposite to how she behaves throughout the other four seasons and Linda starts to appreciate the inmates’ humanity much more after her ordeal. Not to mention, the LGBTQ+ community are suckers for a good ‘opposites attract’ dynamic. Needless to say, the relationship isn’t the healthiest, but Boo shows her true colors and Linda represses hers, both of which significantly change their characters going forward.
6. Tricia Miller and Mercy Valduto
Let’s not talk about Tricia for too long — for obvious reasons. When we meet Tricia in “Tit Punch,” there isn’t much to see and she isn’t as immediately important as some of the other inmates, but her death was — and still is — one of the most gruelling in the history of the series. Tricia’s overdose not only caused a ripple effect through Litchfield, but it marked a turning point for many other characters, such as Red, who blames herself for Tricia’s death. During her stay at Litchfield Tricia suffered from a drug addiction and made several attempts to detox, but it was George Mendez (Pornstache) who sealed her fate by allowing drugs to pass through the Neptune’s Produce deliveries and be distributed throughout Litchfield. While incarcerated, Tricia meets Mercy, the ex-lover of Big Boo, and falls in love with her.
Mercy and Tricia dated until Mercy’s release. Afterwards, Mercy stopped responding to Tricia’s attempts at contact, despite promising they would stay in touch. After Tricia overdosed, Big Boo called Mercy to inform her of Tricia’s passing. That was the last time we ever heard from both Tricia and Mercy, both of whom were minor characters and only furthered the plot in their absences. Tricia and Mercy might not have dated for long, but the relationship painted a perfect portrait of what a one-sided relationship looks like. Tricia was head-over-heels, but Mercy wasn’t. She moved on from Big Boo to Tricia in a heartbeat and after serving her time, she disappeared without a trace. They were young and foolish and it was cute while it lasted, but what happens in prison, stays in prison.
5. Dayanara Diaz and John Bennett
Here, we have a pair of lovebugs in their natural habitat. Daya and Bennett’s relationship is either cringe-worthy or endearing, depending on how you look at it. When sparks first started to fly, everyone began rooting for the unlikely couple, but when the hard-hitting reality of parenthood dawned on Bennett, he ditched Daya and disappeared without a trace. From the get-go, the coy smiles and note-passing tugged the heartstrings with a high-school-sweetheart tone, but as soon as Daya declared her pregnancy, the relationship broke down. After the whole Mendez incident (in which Daya coerces him into engaging with her sexually, planning to frame him for sexual assault), Bennett seemingly lost a lot of respect and love for Daya. Furthermore, Daya and Bennett had different goals and ideals; Daya wanted the typical future of marriage and babies, but Bennett seemed hesitant to commit fully, hence his impromptu disappearance.
For the most part, the Puerto Rican Mami native and the peg-leg Corporal are incredibly captivating as an onscreen couple, which is a credit to Dascha Polanco and Matt McGorry’s talents, who portray Daya and Bennett, respectively. Bennett treats Daya with fairness and respect, only ever reprimanding her as a charade to appeal to the Warden. In Season Three, Bennett softens to the idea of fatherhood, but after visiting Cesar and learning the potential fate of his and Daya’s baby, he flees. Although Daya and Bennett might seem like a fairytale couple at first, the façade quickly crumbles and eventually, Daya discovers that she’s better off without him. Likewise, Bennett clearly isn’t prepared to make tough decisions and rise to the occasion when tasked with raising a child. Even though Daya and Bennett had their good times, it was probably for the best that it didn’t work out.
4. Piper Chapman and Alex Vause
It would be absolutely criminal (pun intended) to not include our fabulous leading ladies on the list somewhere. Orange Is the New Black essentially revolves around Piper and Alex’s relationship and eventual marriage. Admittedly, there are some impactful and emotional subplots, but Piper and Alex are the main attraction — literally. Still, as much as Vauseman (as they’re fondly known) have their moments, that doesn’t make the relationship healthy in the slightest. Piper and Alex have the most ups and downs of any Orange Is the New Black relationship. In fact, the on-again, off-again routine started to get tiresome before long. Although Litchfield Penitentiary isn’t the typical backdrop for a lifelong fantasy of reuniting with your long-lost lover, Piper and Alex somehow endure multiple break-ups and affairs, still going strong right until the seventh and final season.
After six years of baiting the Vauseman happily-ever-after, Kohan appears to opt for the eventual parting of ways. When Alex is transferred to the Ohio prison, she and Piper make an informed decision to separate with Alex believing that Piper deserves limitless experiences. Without anyone to guide her, Piper turns to Larry, who tells her to “do what new Piper would do.” Following the transfer, Piper chooses to be with Alex, having moved to Ohio to start anew. Throughout Orange Is the New Black, Piper and Alex fight like cats and dogs, but somehow end up together — and if that isn’t true love then nothing is. If not for the toxicity surrounding their relationship during the touch-and-go, in-between moments, Vauseman would easily break the top three.
3. Joe Caputo and Natalie Figueroa
Fans cheered. Joe Caputo and Natalie Figueroa were undoubtedly popular as one of the few successful heterosexual relationships on the show. Although Caputo and Figueroa initially act indifferent towards one another (especially because Fig is married at this stage), the butterflies start fluttering in the sixth season; they begin having casual sex again after a short break, then start going on dates and eventually became an official couple. Caputo and Fig’s storyline ends with them moving in together and adopting a child. For five years, Netflix had teased an eventual relationship for Caputo and Fig. Even though he became romantically involved with Linda Ferguson in the forth season, Orange Is the New Black fans somehow knew that it was written in the stars for Caputo and Fig to end up together.
Joe initially despises Fig for her mistreatment of Litchfield staff and inmates, considering her to be the equivalent of a corporate viper. In Season Two, Fig silences Caputo regarding her embezzlement by performing oral sex on him and by Season Three, they are shown to be having an affair after Fig’s husband repeatedly disregards her. Later, it is revealed that Fig’s husband is gay, hence the lack of sexual activity. All the while, despite some bumps along the way, Caputo and Fig provide sympathy and emotional comfort for one another, discovering that they have far more in common than originally thought. After failed and unrequited relationships on Caputo’s side, and a shocking revelation on Fig’s, it just so happens that their soulmates were right under their noses. Plus, Caputo singing “I’m On Fire” by Bruce Springsteen for Figueroa in the bar is one of the most heartwarming scenes in the whole series.
2. Nicky Nichols and Lorna Morello
Don’t act surprised, you knew this would happen. Although Nicky Nichols and Lorna Morello never declare a relationship, there’s certainly enough sexual tension to consider this a situationship — without a doubt. If not a situationship, then definitely a classic case of unrequited love on Nicky’s part. Not long after Piper arrives at Litchfield, Orange Is the New Black viewers get their first impressions of Nicky and Lorna after Piper walks in on them having sex in the bathroom. From that moment on, we knew we were in for a wild ride. Although Nicky does sleep around with other inmates, her heart belongs to Lorna. Sadly, Morello doesn’t share those same feelings — at least not in the way that Nicky wants. Lorna is so hyper-focused on her fictional engagement to Christoper (a man with whom she went on one date and became obsessed) that she neglects Nicky’s true feelings. Honestly, Nichorello (nice one, OITNB fans) are on the same level as Vauseman in terms of popularity — everyone wanted them to get together. Unfortunately, it never happened.
Although it looks hopeful that Nicky and Lorna will eventually declare their love for one another and get hitched, those thoughts are simply the delusions of fans who yearn for such an outcome. Clearly, Kohan never intended for Nicky and Lorna to become “endgame” (which in fandom slang means the idea that a particular romantic couple — or potential romantic couple — is meant to be together), otherwise there would have been more of a label given to their involvement with one another. Obviously, Lorna was “gay for the stay” (as they say about a heterosexual women engaging in sexual activities with another woman while incarcerated) and Nicky was in too deep. Still, even though the relationship turned out to be more of a friendship, Nicky and Lorna supported one another in everything — good and bad — and accepted each other’s flaws, which sometimes means a lot more than a long-lasting romance.
1. Poussey Washington and Brook Soso
It might not be the most expected pairing to come out on top, but here we are. Before Poussey’s eventual death in Season Four, she begins a romantic relationship with fellow inmate Brook Soso. Following her intake week, Soso struggles to fit in and make friends, which results in her developing depression and eventually attempting an overdose. She is found by Poussey, who forces her to regurgitate the pills and subsequently nurses her back to health. When Soso becomes tentative friends with Poussey, Taystee and Suzanne, she starts dating the former. By Season Four, Brook and Poussey have established a romantic relationship, bonding over a mutual love for literature. Although initially apprehensive regarding her attraction to a woman, Poussey helps Brook to overcome her fears and become more comfortable with her sexuality.
When Poussey dies, Brook is completely devastated. She stops eating and sleeping and continuously cries. She slips into grief and bereavement and is inconsolable from that moment onward. Although the relationship ends abruptly, Brook and Poussey have the best, most healthy and nurturing relationship of them all. Not only are Poussey and Brook the ideal representatives for interracial couples, the pair are canon Black/Asian LGBTQ+ members. If Poussey and Brook’s relationship were to be summarized in one word, it would be “wholesome.” Everything about them just radiates happiness and — to this day — the creators were cruel to rip that partnership away from us.
