SpongeBob SquarePants has been in our lives for nearly 23 years. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of thousands of millennials breathing a collective sigh as they realize how far away their childhood truly is. It’s true, SpongeBob is no longer an upstart, quirky, bizarre Nickelodeon show. Instead, it’s an institution, one that Paramount Plus has spun off into two separate shows of their own (Kamp Koral: SpongeBob’s Under Years and The Patrick Star Show). Yet, in all that time, there remain some essential questions about SpongeBob and the rest of the ragtag group from Bikini Bottom — questions the show never really fully addresses.
Of course, the most important of these regards SpongeBob himself. We know a lot about Mr. SquarePants. He loves to catch jellyfish, he takes pride in his work as Bikini Bottom’s premiere fry cook, he looks fantastic in a tie, and he hasn’t quite gotten the hang of driving a boat. But there remains one essential mystery: how old is SpongeBob SquarePants?
Does SpongeBob age?
To answer the question of SpongeBob’s age, we must first answer another equally tricky question. SpongeBob SquarePants is a show stuffed with porous logic, but one logistical factor it shares with most animated programs is that its characters do not appear to age. Pearl Krabs, for instance, is always in high school. Gary is always a sprightly young snail. SpongeBob SquarePants first appeared back in 1999 and has since aired 272 episodes. So, even if all these episodes took place over a couple of years with some gaps in between, SpongeBob would be at least a few years older than he was at the start of the show.
If, on the other hand, the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom are aging along with our timeline, SpongeBob would be 23 years older than he was on May 1, 1999 — the day he first appeared on our televisions. Judging by his and every other character’s impeccable appearance, they are either implementing a truly remarkable skin-care routine or they don’t actually age. Either way, the answer isn’t exactly spelled out within the series.
How old was SpongeBob when the show started?
Here’s where we get into the nitty-gritty. There are several sometimes conflicting reports when trying to answer this essential question. For instance, the show’s creator, Stephen Hillenburg, has stated that he always intended SpongeBob to be an adult, despite Nickelodeon’s request that he change the show’s initial premise and make SpongeBob a child who went to school. That said, Hillenburg has also said he envisioned SpongeBob essentially as ageless. It appears that the show’s creator is also a bit conflicted.
There are, however, a few pieces of hard evidence we must take into account. As we mentioned, SpongeBob has been working on getting his boating license for quite a long time, much to Mrs. Puff’s chagrin. There was a moment when he did have his boating license. Unfortunately for SpongeBob, this was in a dream, one that took place in the appropriately titled first season episode “Sleepytime.” Dream or not, we did get a glimpse of SpongeBob’s license and our first bit of hard evidence of his birthdate: July 14, 1986. Considering that this episode arrived early on in SpongeBob SquarePants’ run, this would make him about 13 years old when the show first premiered.
We know what you’re thinking ⏤ a 13-year-old living independently with what seems like a full-time job? The answer appears to be yes, and aside from the whole job and pineapple thing, it does make a bit of sense. But think about it. How old does SpongeBob act? 13 seems pretty on the nose. He is, after all, a sponge who loves blowing bubbles, pals around endlessly with Patrick, and loves his Grandma’s cookies and kisses.
How old is SpongeBob today?
This is where things get even more complicated. If we accept that SpongeBob is 13 when the show begins and it’s been 23 years since the show started, this would make him 36 years young, a very middle-aged sponge. If, however, we adopt cartoon logic and accept that characters do not age a day, then SpongeBob is still 13. We prefer to seamlessly, ingeniously, blend the two, and here’s how.
First off, we’re accepting that SpongeBob was 13 when the show started, but we do not believe that age is static, not exactly. As previously stated, there have been 272 episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants. If each of these episodes is, as you’ll recall, actually two separate stories, about 15 minutes each, there have been 544 SpongeBob stories. For our argument, we’ll say that each of these stories takes up about a day in the Bikini Bottom universe. If that’s the case, then it’s been about a year and a half since the show first ran, making SpongeBob SquarePants 14 years old with his 15th birthday right around the corner.
Thus, while we may have aged drastically in the years since SpongeBob SquarePants first came into our lives, SpongeBob is as young as ever ⏤ so ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS AND 14 IS HE!
