You don’t have many options when you find yourself stuck in a horror movie. You can try hiding like a bitch, probably ending with you dying an equally cowardly death, or you can fight back, which would at least grant you the death of a courageous hero. Might as well fight back against the horror villain chasing you and your friends around, right? You don’t want to go out with your tail between your legs, do you? Yeah, easy for you to say while not being stalked by Jason Voorhees.
But while most horror victims fail miserably at saving the day, becoming just another notch in the killer’s belt, there are some badass dudes and dudettes who were able to turn the tables on some of horror’s biggest names, killing them or incapacitating them long enough to make a difference. I’m not saying they necessarily lived themselves, or that they put an end to the horror situation for good, but there are some rare characters who fought back against their attackers and made a significant impact – survival is just a bonus.
With that said, let’s take a look at some rough and tumble horror characters that fought the good fight and were better off because of it!Next
Remy – Yuppie Pussy Doug from The Hills Have Eyes Remake
I know some people hate this yuppie dude, because in the first twenty minutes, he is so annoying you sort of WANT him to get killed, but the irony is that he is pretty much the only one who DOESN’T get killed.
You really need to note his descent from pussy into madman to really appreciate his character. Yes, he is a yuppie bitch when this all starts out, but as soon as they fuck with his family, he loses all regard for himself and goes into the “demented inbred mutant town” (I just named it that) to get his daughter back. This is where he turns into a murdering wild man, killing anyone who crosses his path in increasingly more violent fashion. Even after he almost gets killed a few times, when he could have just easily cut and run back like a coward, he sticks around and starts burying pick axes in these mutant fothermuckers. It’s nice to see, and in the end, he does get his baby back too, which a storybook(ish) ending.
Also, the surviving brother and sister stay back at the trailer and also go all “serial killer,” tricking one of the mutants into coming into the trailer so they could blow his nasty ass up.
Come to think of it, these guys could vacation with the family in You’re Next.
Man, that would be a badass movie.
Nato – Erin from You’re Next
With all this You’re Next talk, did you really think survivor girl Erin, played by the bitchin’ Sharni Vinson, wouldn’t make our list? A huge reason this home invasion flick works so well is because of Vinson’s instant Scream Queen recognition, as she attacks these masked psychopaths with superior survivalist knowledge. Hell, Vinson takes more of a beating than I probably ever could – and looks way better doing so.
Vinson’s character Erin is initially introduced as another character’s girlfriend, but after people start dying and criminals disrupt the Davison’s anniversary celebrations, Erin starts displaying her special talents. Having been raised on a survivalist camp, Erin sets traps and does thing others won’t to survive, slowly disposing of these villainous animals one by one. What should have been an easy payday turns into a bloodbath of epic proportions, with Erin emerging as the lone survivor.
Plus, she kills someone with a blender. To the head. Upside down. And turns it on. For the win.Previous Next
Remy – Dick Cutting Chick from Hostel: Part II
Man, Hostel: Part II was rough, right? It was creepy at times, and funny at other times, but man, what was up with all the cock slaughtering? I know it was a play on gender horror, and by removing cocks, it put both men and women on equal ground, plus it was a sign of taking their masculinity, and so on and blah blah, but I mean, on an Eli Roth level, what was his deal there?
Anyways, I am specifically talking about that one girl in Hostel: Part II who ends up turning the tables and trapping that dude who was gonna cut her all up and rape her lady bits and stuff, and she ends up cutting off his Johnson and feeding it to the dog. That might not be specifically how it went, but I remember a severed cock, and a hungry dog, so that’s what you get.
But that is some SERIOUS table turning right there.
Nato – Taylor Gentry from Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon
Not only is Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon a totally badass horror movie, but it also features a particularly nasty turn for our survivor girl. We first meet Taylor as an enthusiastic documentarian who wants to capture the beginnings of a new slasher phenom, recording his preparation and training, but it’s then revealed that Taylor’s role in this is much more meaningful.
As Leslie is about to commence his killing spree, Taylor and her camera crew get cold feet and try to save Vernon’s selected victims. This only puts them in the middle of all the violence though, and when the suspected virgin is suddenly killed by Leslie, Taylor realizes she’s been his survivor girl all along, and it’s actually up to her to stop him. Fighting back against Vernon, Taylor is able to save two lives in the process, and give Leslie the death he so badly wanted.
Too bad he prepared for that too, as we see him rise from an autopsy table as the credits roll. Damn, where is that sequel already?!Previous Next
Remy – Kim Soo-hyeon from I Saw The Devil
Man, this movie is amazing. Like AMAZING amazing. Perhaps the best revenge movie ever? I know that is lofty, and Oldboy should take it, but I Saw The Devil is THAT good.
You want to talk about turning the tables? The main character Kim in this movie finds the guy who murdered his pregnant wife, and instead of just killing him, he follows him and strikes at random times, doing to him exactly what he did to most of his victims. The idea here (and with most South Korean revenge movies) is that revenge makes you into the very monster you hate so much. It brings you from your human level down to the monster’s level, and once you are down on eye level with monsters, the only way to survive is to become one.
Anyone who has seen this movie knows just how much Kim Soo becomes the monster, thus the AMAZING title of the film. Also, people who know the movie know that becoming the devil does not always play out how you want it to, and this dark tale of (almost) redemption reminds us of that. But for 80% of the film, Kim IS the monster, and the monster is running scared, and it is a powerful dynamic to see.
Nato – Marybeth from the Hatchet Franchise
Although she’s played by two actresses (Tamara Feldman in Hatchet, Danielle Harris in Hatchet II/Hatchet III), Marybeth is terrorized by Victor Crowley in each movie of this franchise, and she has to kill him not only once, but twice. She sees countless people die, including family, and gets beaten by Crowley himself, but she still manages to end the curse by the end of Hatchet III – or so we think?
Marybeth first appears in Honey Island Swamp while participating in a “ghost tour” that foolishly ignores the legend of Victor Crowley, as everyone dies but her. Escaping the swamp, she gathers a group of hunters to go straight back in and kill Victor Crowley, which again ends in absolute bloodshed, but Marybeth is able to beat Crowley’s head to a pulp, and then blast the remains away with a shotgun for good measure. Horror over, right? Nah, of course not! Getting dragged back into the swamp in an attempt to end Crowley’s curse once and for all, she covers the monster with his father’s ashes, melting him down to a skeleton, then explodes the leftovers with a final gunshot. Wounded herself, it’s left open whether she lives or dies, but over the course of three movies, Marybeth turns the tide each time, possibly ending Crowley forever.
Probably not though. Hatchet IV, anyone?Previous Next
Honorable Mention: The Crow
Though I know it is a strict revenge tale, the original Crow movie still really resonates with me, though not nearly as much as the amazing comic book it was based on. Interesting side note: J.O Barr wrote (and illustrated) The Crow after his girlfriend had been killed by a drunk driver, and he didn’t know how to cope with her loss, so he dreamt up The Crow as his alter ego, killing all who helped wrong her. Very powerful stuff, and rooted to tragedy in real life, which makes it resonate even more.
Just don’t see The Crow movie that has Eddie Furlong, for it will kill everything you believe in.
Anti-Pick: Hero from Feast
It’s always funny when you can pick the hero out of a horror movie from the very first second, made obvious by his dashing looks, survival knowledge, abundance of lines, and intimidating physique, but Feast establishes itself as one of the best satirical horror movies in years by introducing us to that hero – and immediately killing him.
Just as quickly as our hero (Eric Dane) bursts into the bar and starts giving a rousing, inspirational speech about the horrifying beasts chasing him (one of which he killed, holding its head as proof), one of the monsters pulls him through a window and decapitates him, eliminating the bar patron’s best chance at survival. Shortest lifespan for a hero, ever.
So much for the Hero’s title card that pegs his life expectancy as “Pretty Fucking Good.”
Alright readers: Which badass, monster-killing characters did we miss that you absolutely loved?
*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:
Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb
Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro
Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where Remy and I recall our favorite childhood arcade games!Previous