Elon Musk reveals that he bought Twitter because he wants to ‘help humanity’ with his whole heart

SpaceX founder Elon Musk speaks during a T-Mobile and SpaceX joint event on August 25, 2022 in Boca Chica Beach, Texas.
Michael Gonzalez / Stringer / Getty Images

Elon Musk has seemingly confirmed that he has moved forward with his purchase of Twitter, which is what everyone basically already anticipated would eventually happen when 51-year-old SpaceX founder first bought a stake in the company earlier this year.

Shortly after acquiring 10 percent of Twitter, Musk put in a 41 billion bid to buy the company outright, but quickly got a case of buyer’s remorse. For a while, it was unclear whether the acquisition would actually happen or not, but it seems that this time it’s the real deal.

Musk shared the news on, where else, Twitter, on Thursday morning, with a lengthy statement detailing his extremely lofty motivations for acquiring the social media platform. “There has been much speculation about why I bought Twitter and what I think about advertising,” Musk began his statement. “Most of it has been wrong.”

“The reason I acquired Twitter is because it is important to the future of civilization to have a common digital town square, where a wide range of beliefs can be debated in a healthy manner, without resorting to violence,” he continued, before pivoting to some “both sides” nonsense. “There is currently great danger that social media will splinter into far right wing and far left wing echo chambers that generate more hate and divide our society.”

Musk went on to say that “traditional media” is responsible for fueling and catering to our polarized extremes, which he claims is due to “the relentless pursuit of clicks,” and that as a result, “the opportunity for dialogue is lost.”

Which … OK, the media certainly deserves some blame for the polarized times we’re living in, but one could also argue that bearing some weight is the extreme politics from fringe right-wing politicians who want to rob us of our fundamental rights. But sure, Elon.

“That is why I bought Twitter. I didn’t do it because it would be easy. I didn’t do it to make more money,” Musk explained. “I did it to try to help humanity, whom I love. And I do so with humility, recognizing that failure in pursuing this goal, despite our best efforts, is a very real possibility.”

“That said, Twitter obviously cannot become a free-for-all hellscape, where anything can be said with no consequences!” continued the man who will most certainly welcome Donald Trump back to the platform with open arms. “In addition to adhering to the laws of the land, our platform must be warm and welcoming to all, where you can choose your desired experience according to your preferences, just as you can choose, for example, to see movies or play video games ranging from all ages to mature.”

“I also very much believe that advertising, when done right, can delight, entertain and inform you; it can show you a service or product or medical treatment that you never knew existed, but is right for you,” Musk added, if anyone will soon be wondering why Tesla ads are popping up on the platform like a game of Whac-A-Mole. “For this to be true, it is essential to show Twitter users advertising that is as relevant as possible to their needs. Low relevancy ads are spam, but highly relevant ads are actually content!”

“Fundamentally, Twitter aspires to be the most respected advertising platform in the world that strengthens your brand and grows your enterprise,” he concluded. “To everyone who has partnered with us, I thank you. Let us build something extraordinary together.”

Well Twitter, you had a good — well, let’s say OK run: March 21, 2006 to Oct. 27, 2022. RIP!