7 Video Games That Have Terrible, Terrible Artificial Intelligence

2) Rogue Warrior (2009)

Let me preface this particular segment by saying that I love Mickey Rourke and think that swearing is hilarious. Therefore, Rogue Warrior could quite easily have been my 2009 Game of the Year. That is, if you leave aside the hideous low-res textures, sound that seems like it was recorded from a black and white Western onto a tape player, and enemy AI so criminally bad that that everyone at Bethesda should have been arrested for charging $60 to experience it.

In fact, it would probably be unfair to other programmers to even use the term ‘artificial intelligence.’ It doesn’t really apply here because I’m not even sure there is any. Enemies lollygag about the dismal grey environments as if they’ve been forced to as part of a community service order and don’t even raise their eyebrows when you throw a grenade at them, let alone seek cover. You can also use stealth-kill moves in the heat of a firefight, because they apparently can’t fathom that you’d be brave enough to stroll over to them while they’re trying to shoot you.

In one instance (on the hardest difficulty setting, no less) I came across two guards talking in a hallway. Mid-conversation, I shot one in the head, and he slumped to the ground in front of the other guard, who then… did nothing. He just stood there, perhaps wondering if his friend had sudden onset narcolepsy, or why he’d used bright red hair gel.