5. Omni-Tool – Mass Effect Series
Take one part awesome watch, one part smartphone, one part computer, three parts awesome hologram and the Omni-Tool is what you’ve got. Commander Shepard and crew relied on their Omni-Tools for several important purposes during their whole “save the universe from angry robot squids” campaign.
It shouldn’t surprise anyone that most of the first world is addicted to our smartphones, whether it be for emails or browsing the internet or just trying to beat that last damn level in Angry Birds.
Now transfer that all to a holographic gauntlet that disappears when you don’t need it. Also, it doesn’t need batteries and it even folds out into a giant blade, although I would imagine that the civilian model would probably be released without that particular feature.
Even better is that they appear to be dirt cheap, or free, or some sort of incredibly useful birth defect. We know the Pip Boy, basically the same thing as an Omni-Tool but several thousand years ealier, is given to children once they reach a certain age. But the process of getting an Omni-Tool seems mysterious. Hopefully AT&T doesn’t catch wind of how awesome this would be. Would hate to pay out the nose for their sub-par service.
And you can use the Omni-Tool to check on a few of the other things I’ve listed here! The Achievements, the save points and maybe even for…
4. Cheat Codes – Most Games In Existence
So this one would actually be kinda weird. I’m sure there would have to be some sort of government specifically for if cheat codes existed.
But who hasn’t wanted to be able to punch in a load of seemingly random letters and numbers and have, say, a tank spawn in front of them out of thin air. Or make your car turn into some sort of amphibious super-car on command. Or God Mode. Sweet, sweet God Mode.
Personally, I’d go for the simpler, less reality-breaking cheats. How hilarious would it be to see your best friends in big head mode? And now you can’t stop thinking about it.
Although if you felt like being a cheap jerk in a more traditional way, there’s a way that could be arranged…
3. Force Powers – Star Wars
Okay, let’s get one thing straight. I realize that technically Force Powers are attributed to Star Wars as a movie more than the games. So consider Force Powers’ inclusion into this list more of a technicality than anything. But admit it, there’s been at least one instance where you’ve wanted a Jedi mind trick at your disposal.
The Force is nothing short of telekinetic powers made real. Make people think what you want them to! Use these powers to move things that were otherwise unmovable! Use lightning powers in order to give your car a jump if the battery dies!
And think of all the creative ways we can use the Force that hasn’t been brought up in any of the official media. You know that itch you get on your back that you can never reach? Never again! Need to make a run to the bathroom but don’t think you’ll make it? Super speed is now possible! Need to get into the attic for some reason? Don’t bother with the ladder, just jump right into the roof!
Worst case scenario, you can totally use these newfound powers to get a job as the single most convincing magician in the world! I’m not sure why that’d be a good thing, but hey! It’s something!
Knowing me, I’d probably just use Force Lightning to cook steak. Nothing says delicious like an electrified steak. Mmmmmm.
And because I can’t think of a valid segway into the next entry, steak rhymes with cake! And when we think cake, we think….
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