10 Dirty Adult Jokes From Children’s Movies

Being a parent must suck. Too much responsibility, zero free time and a never-ending stream of awful direct-to-DVD movies on replay. Thank god then for the animators and filmmakers who take pity on exhausted mothers and fathers everywhere by inserting adult jokes into kid's movies. When the third nappy needs changing and the twins won't stop their sodding arguing, even the most basic, puerile sex joke can give parents the boost they need to keep on going with their fourth Tinkerbell movie in a row. However, as a child, you probably remained completely unaware of these filthy jokes, despite them often being less than subtle. In hindsight, it's hard to grasp how such obvious gags passed right over our heads as kids, but even the most family-friendly movies sometimes have a darker side. Whether you think this is messed up or beyond hilarious is another debate entirely. So, on that note, join us as we take a look at 10 dirty adult jokes that somehow slipped past both the censors and our own innocent minds to amuse bored parents and filthy teenagers alike. 10) It's Not All About Size... - Frozen (2013) One of the most refreshing aspects of Frozen was its 'new' take on romance. For Disney, the emphasis on sisterly love over marriage was a relatively progressive stance compared to how the earlier princesses just swooned over the first handsome man they saw. Anna starts out like one of these typical leading ladies with her obsession over Hans - BOOOOOOO! - after only meeting him once, but fortunately, Kristoff jumps in to point out how ridiculous their engagement is. On their way to the North Mountain, Kristoff quizzes Anna about Hans, asking whether she even knows the basics such as his last name, favorite food, eye color etc. Innocent enough, so far. However, when Kristoff asks Anna about Hans' foot size, she quickly responds by saying that "Foot size doesn’t matter…" Turns out Anna is more interested in Hans for his personality than the size of his penis. If that doesn't scream feminism, then I don't know what does. 9) Wait, Size Really Does Matter! - Ice Age (2002) The hot issue of whether penis size actually matters pops up once again in children's movies with the first instalment of the Ice Age franchise (did I really just type that sentence?) Anyways, when Manny the Mammoth receives some hostility from the tapirs, he retorts, "Hey buddy if my trunk was the size of yours, I wouldn't draw too much attention to myself". Did that mammoth really just make fun of the tapirs small penis-shaped trunks? Pre-historic burn! If only they had all met Frozen's Anna a few million years later, perhaps Manny's jibe wouldn't have cut so deep. 8) A Typically Subtle Robin Williams - Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) Watching Mrs. Doubtfire was as integral to a 90's childhood as VHS and tamagotchis, so it's somewhat surprising that the director kept a few of Robin Williams' more filthy improvisations in the final edit of the movie. One of the more risque moments comes when Mrs. Doubtfire throws a million sexual innuendos Stu's way, including references to the "Horizontal Mambo", "Rumpleforeskin" and the "Baloney Bop". Ew. If the kids ask what "Cunning Linguistics" are, just keep a straight face as you explain. Leave sex education to the school system. When Stu begins to protest, Mrs. Doubtfire continues her sexual tirade, describing how a power tool in the bedroom could even break sidewalks and how using it causes the lights to dim like a prison movie. You almost have to applaud whoever had the balls to pass Mrs Doubtfire off as a PG-13. Ah, the 90's. A simpler time. 7) Incest And Disney! - Hercules (1997) Disney may be accused of promoting many old-fashioned ideals regarding love and gender, but incest isn't usually one of them. Hercules bucked the trend though by throwing in a subtle, but definitely not child-friendly joke about sons having "naughty times" with their mothers. As Hercules leaves an Ancient Greek theater, he throws out a casual comment about the play, saying "That Oedipus thing? Man, I thought I had problems!" As most people probably know, Oedipus was a mythical Greek king who killed his own father in order to marry his mother. Oedipus didn't know that his new wife was also his mother at the time of their marriage, but that doesn't make what they did on their wedding night any less freaky. While this may fly over the heads of most children watching the film, I can't help but feel kind of bad for the kids who studied Greek mythology at school... 6) Flashers - Cars (2006) Many saw Cars as a blemish on Pixar's otherwise stellar filmography, but the animation studio still managed to insert the occasional moment of brilliance into their weakest link... and by brilliance, I mean moment of smut. However, in a world inhabited solely by talking cars, how do you even manage to perform such a feat? At the beginning of Cars, Lightning McQueen is one of the most popular cars in the entire racing world and is adored by fans all over the wrold. Two groupies in particular, named Mia and Tia, decide to show their support by flashing their headlights rapidly on and off as McQueen passes. Sounds pretty cute, right? Wait, let's look at that again. Mia and Tia flash McQueen as he passes. Flash. If these cars were human, their nipples would be exposed out in the air, harder than diamonds. 5) Earth Quake! - Aladdin And The King Of Thieves (1996) Before Pixar proved with Toy Story 2 that animated sequels don't have to suck, Disney flooded the market with straight-to-DVD (VHS?) movies that were decidedly average at best. Aladdin was one of the many awesome properties that Disney flogged to death with poorer and poorer sequels, but Aladdin and the King of Thieves does contain one particularly memorable moment that almost makes up for the rest of the excruciating 81 minute long running time. During Aladdin and Jasmine's wedding sequence, a stampede occurs which causes an earthquake. In response, Genie says “I thought the Earth wasn’t supposed to move until the honeymoon.” Wait, why would there be an earthquake after a honeymoon? How could a human wedding-based tradition cause a geological event to - oh wait. Sex. He's talking about sex. 4) Hat Boner - The Cat In The Hat (2003) Mike Myer's adaptation of The Cat in the Hat had a couple of issues. Poor scripting, hideous acting, terrible songs, grotesque set design, irritating child-actors, wooden dialogue... ok, maybe more than a couple, but parents in particular were most outraged by the movie's PG rating, due to the high amount of adult content that included references to a "dirty hoe" and the spelling of shit. One particular joke is even less subtle than the others, though. Case in point. Upon seeing a family picture of Conrad and Sally's mother, the Cat in the Hat gets a little bit too excited, causing his hat to become stiff and long, complete with a comical "boing!" noise. When Conrad explains that the picture is of his mother, the Cat in the Hat replies, "Awkward, yeah." Couldn't agree more, you dirty little pussy. 3) Adult Wrestling - Dennis The Menace (1993) It must be hard to enjoy an active sex life as a parent. When do you ever find the time to appreciate your partner alone without the children around? For Dennis the Menace's parents, that time is Sunday morning. Unfortunately, Dennis may have seen a little bit more than was intended... While describing his father to Mrs. Wilson, Dennis says that "the only time he isn’t happy is on Sunday morning when he and my mom wrestle. They kind of like to be alone when they do that. I think it’s ’cause they take off their shirts and then they start to make funny noises.” A reminder that maybe nighttime sex is your best bet once kids are in the house... or weekend sleepovers... or maybe Dennis's parents are actually professional wrestlers training and I just have a filthy mind. Yeah, that must be it... 2) Balloon Show - The Mask (1994) When the MPAA originally designated what could be allowed in a PG-13 movie, I'm sure the majority of the board didn't mention used condoms, but somehow, the censors who rated The Mask thought that kids could handle semen-filled latex pouches used to prevent them from gaining unwanted brothers and sisters. Oh, and STIs. Can't forget those! The moment in question comes when The Mask becomes a balloon animal artist in order to disarm a group of thugs intent on attacking him... as you would. After making a balloon giraffe, The Mask pulls out a used condom, but quickly realizes his mistake and laughs it off. “Sorry, wrong pocket.” Sure, it's extremely inappropriate/hilarious for The Mask to whip out a used condom like that, but what I want to know is why the hell did he feel the need to keep it in the first place? Was The Mask on the way to the sperm bank to make a deposit? Or was it just a fetish gone too far? 1) Cyber Sex - The Brave Little Toaster: To The Rescue (1999) The Brave Little Toaster series - yes, there's more than one - follows the adventures of anthropomorphic appliances as they struggle to make it alone in the real world. The assorted objects talk like humans, interact like humans and it turns out they even orgasm like humans. How exactly do I know this? Well, in The Brave Little Toaster: To The Rescue, there is one scene in particular where a computer essentially climaxes, a sentence I never thought would need to be written. At first, the computer begins to make noises of pleasure as it talks about how its “memory banks are being stroked.” Things quickly escalate as it says "That feels sort of good!" adding "I feel something happening inside of me!" before finally, white paper explodes out of the printer. While this is undoubtedly awkward for any parent watching the film with their children, I feel worse for the poor electronic mouse physically attached to the computer throughout the entire ordeal. No one should have to be in such close proximity to that, not even a PC accessory. Was the computer's orgasm symbolic of mankind's obsession with internet porn, or simply the work of a daring animator who won a bet? Tell us, are adult jokes in children's movies hilarious or inappropriate? Do you have any more to share? And, did you notice any of these growing up as a child? Let us know in the comments section below.

10 Dirty Adult Jokes From Children’s Movies

10) It’s Not All About Size… – Frozen (2013)