You know that feeling of existential dread and secondhand embarrassment you feel when the dumb character in the horror movies does something incredibly stupid? Well, the good news for you is that we’ve got an entire lineup of these asinine characters just ready to drag through the mud.
Sure, poking fun at them is certainly morbid considering most of the names on this list wind up dead or deeply traumatized at the hands of the perpetrator stalking them, but it also feels absolutely useful to point out the critical mistakes and choices of these absent-minded folks.
From sticking around in a haunted house against proper advice or going back for somebody who’s obviously already been caught by the killer, these particular characters have left us with our jaws to the floors and our heads shaking. So to truly ring in Halloween tomorrow, let’s dive in and explore 10 dumb horror movie veterans who definitely didn’t have a single thing figured out.
Franklin Hardesty (The Texas Chain Saw Massacre)
Listen, I liked Franklin, I really did, but I’m certainly not going to sit here and pretend he wasn’t a complete doofus. Tobe Hooper’s 1974 original is undoubtedly a horror masterpiece, but Franklin is far from the brightest character out of the core bunch. Between allowing himself to roll completely down a hill or flashing his bizarre obsession with slaughterhouses, it didn’t surprise me at all when his goofiness eventually got him killed.
Wendy Torrance (The Shining)
The Shining is iconic, let’s get that out of the way, first and foremost. In addition, Shelley Duvall is a total badass and fantastic actress, but Wendy Torrance makes me want to smash my head against a brick wall. For one, it’s clear from the very beginning that Jack Torrance is an abusive alcoholic and the worst kind of husband and father. So what does Wendy do? She decides to travel with him to a secluded hotel in the mountains for the winter as he drifts even further towards the point of insanity. Wendy, sweetie, what are you doing?!
Tatum Riley (Scream)
Sorry, Scream fans (myself included), but I simply can’t stand by and act like Tatum isn’t one of the dumbest horror movie characters. She does well for herself in the beginning as a trusted friend of Sidney’s, but her decision to try and fit through a doggy door during an intense battle with Ghostface is still one of the dumbest decisions I’ve ever seen. Then again, her brother Dewey isn’t exactly a genius either, so dumb genes must run in the family. I still love them both, though.
Micah (Paranormal Activity)
To this day, I’ll die on the hill of Micah being one of the dumbest characters in the history of horror — and that’s a damn long history. I don’t know about you, but I don’t meet many folks who would stay in a clearly haunted house overrun by a visions demonic presence. Rather than grabbing his Ebay quality camera and getting himself and his girlfriend out of the house, Micah pursues the demonic energy by trying to make contact with a Oujia board and taunting it. What an idiot.
Barbra (Night of the Living Dead)
Now, I do have to say that a touch of sympathy is required with this entry. To be fair, a nationwide zombie apocalypse was taking place at the time, so we’ll have to excuse some idiotic behavior. Still, when it comes to Barbra, I have enough reasons to exclaim that she’s one of the dumbest characters in horror that I could wallpaper an entire master bedroom. Truth be told, she did make goofy mistakes throughout the entire film, but the undisputed dumbest action is when she still can’t tell whether her undead brother is a zombie or not. The best thing the zombies could have done for her is eat her.
Loretta Jamison (The Visit)
OK, hear me out. I know some older kids are incredibly independent and can travel on their own when the time calls for it, but in the case of the mom from The Visit, shouldn’t you make sure you actually SEE your kids with who they’re supposed to go with? I guess not. Instead, her kids end up with two escaped mental patients who killed the kids’ actual grandparents and are now posing as them. It’s over an hour into the movie until Loretta realizes that her kids are with total strangers, so I guess she’s not winning Mother of the Year anytime soon.
Louis Creed (Pet Sematary)
You know, for a doctor, Louis Creed wasn’t exactly very smart. After he’s introduced to the forsaken Indian burial ground by his neighbor, Louis buries the family’s dead cat in there and seemingly has no major reaction when the cat shows up the next day alive and kicking. Of course, Louis takes it a step further on the stupid scale by burying his dead wife and young son in that same burial ground, only to be surprised when they come back and kill him. Louis, you brought this entire mess on yourself, pal.
Mayor Larry Vaughn (Jaws)
Listen, I know politicians are basically clueless when it comes to real-life problems, but who in their right mind would keep a public beach open despite being given significant evidence that a great white shark is legitimately eating people at that same beach? To be honest, Mr. Mayor over here is the prime and perfect example for political greed as he simply allows townspeople to continue to fall victim to a vicious shark twice their size. Most people think the shark is the villain in Jaws, but real ones know that it’s Mayor Vaughn.
Millburn (Prometheus)
Now, you could definitely argue that all the characters in Prometheus are quite dumb in their own unique way, but it would feel like an absolute travesty if we didn’t catapult Millburn to the front of the list. For a scientific biologist, Millburn is one of the stupidest characters to ever make their grand entrance in a horror movie. Who honestly thinks that touching an alien from a separate dimension which you know nothing about is a good idea? It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that it didn’t end well for ole’ Milly.
Trish & Darry Jenner (Jeepers Creepers)
For the life of me, there is no pair in horror more stupid than this brother-and-sister duo. And yes, I’m including them as one entry because honestly, it’s obvious that there’s only one brain cell being shared between them. If you’re driving down a long, seemingly deserted road in the middle of a backwoods town and see a man dumping a large garbage bag which looks like it’s hosting a dead body, what on Earth would possess you to pursue that man? Well, it turns out that “man” is an ancient, people-eating creature that feasts every 23 years. And, luckily for the Jenner siblings, they’re next on his radar! Should have just kept driving, that’s all I’m saying.
