8) Skeet Ulrich / Bryan Ray Trout
As reminiscent of a young Johnny Depp Ulrich may be, there’s no denying that if he had kept his birth name, he’d probably now be in prison for mugging old ladies, stealing from the homeless and feeding undercooked labrador to kidnapped schoolchildren. Firstly, sharing the very-dated Y with Bryan Adams kills any semblance of class. Secondly, his entire middle name can be spelled from his first name which according to Mayan lore is the worst luck to be bestowed upon a human. * And thirdly, there’s nothing that screams convict more and movie star less than sharing a name with a big lipped fish that constantly gets itself caught onto an old man’s curly tailed grub.
Ulrich, we salute you for having the balls to be the only candidate on the list whose chosen acting name is only moderately less awful than your actual name.
*May or may not be true.
7) Demi Moore / Demetria Gene Guynes
The ex-Mrs. Kutcher indeed changed her moniker before striding across the screen. Demetria Gene Guynes could possibly have been Billy Ray Trout’s partner in a Badlands-inspired crime spree across the country. However, the truth is far simpler. After marrying her first husband, musician Freddy Moore before ever setting her eyes on Willis or Kutcher, she opted to keep her married name after their divorce. She didn’t however keep the Gene. Perhaps because she didn’t want to do comedy with Richard Pryor.
