Five Up/Five Down: The Best And Worst Of 2013 Horror So Far

Here we are, about halfway through another year of horror movies, and I'm happy to report things are going rather swimmingly. 2012 was a bit of a let down honestly, as I found more movies to hate than love. Looking back on the crop of films I've already sat through in 2013 though, I can honestly admit the quality is better than expected (so far). Much, much better actually, considering how many remakes have been pushed out (so far). This year could have easily spiraled into a dark, depressing slump of continually bad Hollywood remakes, but a few directors have redefined the way we look at these inevitable remakes and reboots. Mix that with some gutsy, inventive films that dare to push boundaries, and the 2013 horror game is shaping up pretty damn well.
[h2]1) The Last Exorcism Part II
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Alright, let’s do this. *Cracks Knuckles*

I absolutely hated The Last Exorcism Part II. I didn’t dislike it, I didn’t think it was awful, I absolutely, positively, 100% hated it. Honestly, aside from Ashley Bell’s performance, I didn’t think the original film was anything super special, and I certainly wasn’t wishing for a sequel, but what Ed Gass-Donnelly’s follow-up ended up being was absolutely insulting.

Everything that made Ashley Bell’s performance scream-worthy in the original, her body contorting and possessed nature, were completely removed this time around. Instead, the demon starts some kind of kinky romance with Bell’s character Nell, possessing her only to make us watch Bell stroke her own face or touch herself longingly, which actually is the demon doing so.

Hmm, sounds like a great idea, right? Let’s take away everything scary, and replace it with a demonic love story. Oh, and while were at it, why don’t we make everything terrifying happen off screen, let’s never really show the demon, and let’s just load the film with characters that will never matter! Yeah, that sounds perfect!

The Last Exorcism Part II is the quintessential despicable horror sequel, watering down original content in an attempt to win viewers over on name alone. For those of you smart enough to miss this one in theaters, I beg of you, avoid this trash at all costs. Don’t even bother with a free TV viewing – you’ll thank me later.

So, do you agree? Disagree? Did I miss your favorite 2013 horror film (so far)?

With so much horror left in 2013, I’m really excited to see how this list changes by the end of the year. Reviews are praising The Conjuring already, so maybe James Wan will make an appearance in my year-end wrap up? Hell, maybe he’ll even be there twice if Insidious Chapter 2 can be just as good as his original? Only time will tell, but until then, catch up on all the glorious horror you might have missed!


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Author
Matt Donato
A drinking critic with a movie problem. Foodie. Meatballer. Horror Enthusiast.