1) Night Moves
I don’t get Night Moves. I’ll be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the story completely, but what I don’t get is how such a dead, lifeless, and laborious film has somehow amassed an 84% RottenTomatoes Critic rating – enough to grant it a coveted “Certified Fresh” sticker. I’m sure plenty of intellectuals and indie hipsters are going blame my minuscule brain for not being able to comprehend the brilliance of Kelly Reichardt, which panders perfectly to certain crowds, but I found myself fighting sleep early and often through this eco-bore. Obviously it’s just me, as 78 critics praised Night Moves in comparison to my 15 like-minded colleagues, so Reicherdt still remains victorious – or she hypnotized every screening but mine.
Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Dakota Fanning, and Peter Sarsgaard, Night Moves follows three “environmental terrorists” whose supposedly harmless plan causes unforeseen consequences. Following a straight-forward plot, these tree-hugging vigilantes ends up being some of the flattest, most infuriating characters I’ve ever seen thanks to uninspired acting all around. Sarsgaard is the only one acting like he’s actually conscious the whole time, as Eisenberg and Fanning exhibit the liveliness of a pet rock much to Reichardt’s delight. Again, there’s no doubt people love the artistically minimal design, but I found not an ounce of soul captivating enough to make any character worthy of screen time.
Capping everything off is a horrendous ending that renders all previous actions absolutely inconsequential, begging us to find meaning in absolutely nothing. What’s worse than sitting through an hour and a half worth of Jesse Eisenberg’s serious face and lots of silent walks? A climax that makes none of those droll moments worth a damn. Sorry Night Moves, you’ve amassed many fans – but I’m not one of them.
-Matt Donato
Now that you’ve read our picks, we’re curious – what do you think the most overrated movies of 2014 have been so far?
