6 Movies For People Who Hate The Holidays

The holidays suck. I know I'm starting this article off with a jump kick of an opinion, but they really do. We run around like insane people, going from house to house, visiting people who we feel obligated to visit (usually once a year) and we all spend too much and eat too much. Also, the consumerist angle of it is exasperating. We all start the new year stressed out because we had to buy things for people we love. WHY? No one really knows, but between that and the driving and the hosting of parties and the blah blah blah, we end the holiday season wishing for the sweet release of death. Well, at least I do.

Remy Carriero

Published: Nov 14, 2014 01:08 am

This article is over 11 years old and may contain outdated information

Planes, Trains, And Automobiles

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Looks like I pulled another classic misdirection with the title of this article. You all seemed to think the movies here would be Christmas movies, and I fuelled that subconsciously by making them all Christmas movies thus far. But the holidays truly begin when Halloween ends and they end on the second of January. Thanksgiving and all the bullshit contained therein also fit quite nicely into the season, and NO movie captures the “I wanna shoot myself in the head because everything is going wrong” mentality that goes along with traveling and the holidays quite like the 1987 classic, Planes, Trains, And Automobiles.

What starts off as a seemingly simple caper about a man (played by the always awesome Steve Martin) trying to get “home for the holidays,” turns into an epic odyssey that would make even Homer proud (no, not Simpson, you poor thing). But it also shows us that the holidays are a fucking mess. Rarely do things go as planned, you sometimes get stuck with people you may not want to, and all that peace and joy stuff people sing about it is pretty much the last thing on your mind. So hey, happy next few months to those of you who like the holidays, and to the rest of us, I just wish a mighty good luck.

Oh, and to those who are wondering why there are not more Christmas slashers like Black Christmas and Silent Night, Deadly Night on the list, I thought Rare Exports did more justice to Christmas horror, so I chose that to represent the genre. Also, I have talked up Gremlins about a thousand times, which is why that movie is not on the list. Just thought I would mention those things so no one else feels compelled to.

Happy fucking holidays.

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