6 Reasons Why Indiana Jones 5 Should Not Happen

2) The TERROR Of The FEROCIOUS…Ants?

The painfully memorable jungle chase from the Crystal Skull was one of the main complaints against the 4th adventure; it was the equivalent of Jar Jar Binks, so to speak. There were monkeys, rocket launchers, cacti and sword fighting, but perhaps the most absurd part of the dash were the ginormous, man-eating red ants.

If you actually managed to relinquish this scene from your mind, here’s a recap: Indy, Marion and Mutt are trying to flee from Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) and the Soviets through a dense and dangerous jungle (this is where Mutt meets his monkey friends, gets nailed in the crotch by spiky plants, etc.). Spalko’s car then crashes into an anthill, where these humungous “Siafu” (“big damn ants”) devour the driver and anything else that stands in their way as they begin to swarm the forest floor.

Unfortunately, the drivel doesn’t stop there: the ants apparently are not only repelled by the crystal skull (which allows Indy to have an arena for his fistfight with a Russian colonel), but they’re also able to climb on top of each other, which we see as they try to attack Spalko, who has taken refuge up on a tree branch.

This sequence is entirely ridiculous and infantile. It seems that the ants pose a bigger threat to Indy and his crusade than the Soviets do. Where George Lucas and his writing team came up with this idea may never be comprehended, but what we do know is that we never want to see this sort of insulting nonsense ever again.