8 Movies That Would Make Great Video Games

Ever since comic books made the superhuman leap from page to screen, fans have turned their chants of “jump, jump, jump” to the world of video games. Long have gamers pondered—knuckles to chin—on which gaming properties would be best qualified for the transition. With this year’s promising releases of Warcraft and Assassin’s Creed, it seems their wishes could finally be answered. However, that road from page to screen is a two-way street, and I’m far more interested in the “movie to video game” route, for it is the road less traveled. Sure, there was a time when every new film release had an accompanying game, but that purely for marketing. Instead, game designers should flip through the rolodex of film history for inspiration, for it is a deep well of creativity. But, as we all know, they’re busy people, so I’ve decided to do it for them. Monty Python And The Holy Grail Parodies are fairly commonplace in the film world—or they used to be, at least—but are virtually nonexistent in video games, which seem compelled to remain humorless in an effort to be taken seriously. I, for one, would like to see the end of this trend with the release of a Monty Python and the Holy Grail open-world RPG. Think Skyrim, but with more coconuts. As is typical with RPGs, you will traverse the game-world while gathering quests, such as helping a villager who has turned into newt get better or, perhaps, fetching shrubbery for the Knights who say “Ni.” A large portion of the game will be about travel and discovery, but don’t venture too far, for the edges of the map are populated by British police officers whose strange metal horses will quickly run down your character as he briskly skips away. There will also be a character creation system, in which you will choose a class — lower, middle or upper —which will determine the trajectory of your story, as well as yours skills. Lower class players must rely on their cunning, whereas upper class player will rely upon their fat wallets, which can be used as projectiles. Smokey And The Bandit The Burnout franchise has been on the backburner — pun very much intended — for quite some time now. As a Pulp Fiction adrenaline shot to the chest, I suggest giving the franchise a Smokey and the Bandit/White Lightning makeover. It’s easy, just slap a few Confederate flags on the cars, slap a few mustaches on the drivers and slap a few beer bellies on the pursuing police. Imagine the muddy puddles exploding as you traverse a dirt road shaded by overhanging moss, or “Dueling Banjos” blaring as you accelerate over a half-broken bridge to soar over a crocodile laden river. You haven’t seen automotive carnage until you’ve seen it in the glaring Georgia sun or swampy Louisiana back-roads. When playing on the hardest difficulty, your Confederate flag bumper sticker is replaced with a peace sign, drawing the ire of squealing locals and their shoddy pickup trucks, which have shotguns sticking out of the windows like cannons on a battleship. Whatever you do, don’t let them take you out of the car. After the obvious success of Burnout Reckoning, the franchise will go down an Assassin’s Creed route, time jumping from one era to another. I'm telling you, Ben-Hur chariot races are next. The Graduate You could go in many directions with Mike Nichols’ understated masterpiece, The Graduate — most of them naughty. However, I propose a more innocent approach. It’s an 8-bit, 2D, side-scrolling platformer, in which the player must evade the seducements of older women and somewhat tipsy, irate fathers. In-between levels, you must attend parties where you will awkwardly mingle with guests, who each have advice that will act as a power-up for the coming level. For instance, if you approach a man who says, “plastics,” then you will be coated in plastic, which deflects projectiles like stilettos and whisky glasses. Each stage has the player headed to a different church, as Benjamin is looking for the wedding of the woman he’s in love with, so he may object. When he beats the stage and arrives at the church, a priest approaches you and says “Sorry, Benjamin! But the daughter of the woman you’ve been sleeping with is in another church!” And, of course, Paul Simon would compose a retro, 8-bit soundtrack. Gran Torino Gaming is rife with chiseled chins and scantily clad women, but severely lacking in turkey necks and crow’s feet - whoa, I just realized how ugly birds are. In response to this lack of geriatric diversity, I propose Gran Theft Auto: Lawn Defense. As the title so aptly suggests, it’s a Rockstar produced, tower defense game, in which the player must defend their porch from young people with too much time on their hands. The player will have several tools at his or her disposal, including, but not limited to, a sprinkler system, BB guns and a Rottweiler. Once the player fills a special meter by dealing damage to enemies, they can call in Vietnam buddies, who don’t park their car close enough to the curb, therefore blocking enemy traffic. Seeing as how the game is based on Clint Eastwood’s Gran Torino, Eastwood himself will populate the lower right corner of the screen, grumbling gameplay tips for the player. And there’s no written text, so listen closely. Annie Hall Telltale Games is known for their heavy themes and dense dialogue, so it’s about time they broaden their horizons a bit by tackling the world of comedy. And who better to start with than Woody Allen, who I consider to be among the greatest screenwriters of all time, as well as the funniest. There’s no bloody axes or medieval politics, just one nebbish outcast attempting to maneuver his life with as little resistance as possible. In fact, 81% percent of the game takes place in the therapist’s office, 15% at art museums attempting to pick up progressive women, 3% waiting in line for Ingmar Bergman movies and for 1% of the game, you’re mauled by a hobo on bath salts. Your dialogue options would be split into four categories: stammer, wisecrack, flirt and silently wipe glasses with shirt. Be careful which you choose, for unlike Telltale’s other games, this one features permadeath. If you die, the screen goes black and you are enveloped by cosmic nothingness. The bright side: the game was boring as hell anyway. Kill Bill An essential part of any good fighting game is a colorful cast of characters - and gratuitous violence. What better fit for such a thing than the mind of Quentin Tarantino? A fighting game based on Kill Bill is almost too easy; so much so, that I almost went with a Pulp Fiction Dance Dance Revolution. A unique element to the game would be that after the floor becomes too bloody, characters will start to slip and slide — forcing the player to alter his or her strategy. The game would, of course, have a story mode, where the players burns through various characters, such as Black Mamba, California Mountain Snake and the Crazy 88 — think the “100 Man Melee” from Smash Bros. When you get to the final boss, watch out for his Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique! It can be countered by moving slightly to the right. The stages should also be dynamic, such as in the kitchen stage, where the player may utilize butcher knives, scissors and raw steaks. Outside of the main game, there will be a weapon crafting portion, where Hattori Hanzo will build you the weapon of your choice — swords, flails and nunchucks are all available. Any Chaplin Movie Charlie Chaplin’s Little Tramp was born to be a video game mascot along the lines of Mario or Sonic. He’s charming, distinctive and good-natured, which is why he’d fit perfectly in a 3D platformer. The game would be entirely black and white and, of course, there would be no voice acting. Instead, text would appear as a title-card. Much in the way that Brutal Legend used the likeness of Rock and Roll icons and imagery, this game would do the same with silent cinema, such as with a Buster Keaton character who could appear in each level to teach you a new move. Levels, meanwhile, would be inspired by Chaplin’s films. One could even be modeled after Modern Times, rife with spinning gears, malfunctioning robots and labor unions. Gameplay would be similar to many 3D platformers, in that there’s a lot of running, jumping and collecting things. Using the Tramp’s wardrobe and history, one could get quite creative with his fighting style — spinning the cane like a helicopter for a triple jump, throwing the hat like Oddjob or using the ice skates from Modern Times for a speed boost. The Dirty Dozen Yes, we’ve already had Battlefield: Bad Company, which featured a similar team of military misfits as in The Dirty Dozen. However, I wish for the delinquency to extend beyond the story and characters, and bleed over into the gameplay. The game would be to the Call of Duty franchise what NFL Street was to the Madden franchise. It would start with a cinematic: the camera slowly revolving around a solder reading the Geneva Conventions, only to find as the camera revolves all the way around, that there’s a Playboy inside the sleeve — setting the tone for the entire game. Being a first-person-shooter, the mechanics would be mostly familiar, though there have been a number of tweaks. When a gun runs out of bullets, there is the option to throw the gun as a projectile, and it’s surprisingly effective. Inspired by Jim Brown’s character from the film, there’s also a charge/tackle mechanic. Lastly, for brief damage resistance, the player may take a swig of his canteen, which is full of bourbon, of course.