8 Movies That Would Make Great Video Games

Gran Torino

Gaming is rife with chiseled chins and scantily clad women, but severely lacking in turkey necks and crow’s feet – whoa, I just realized how ugly birds are. In response to this lack of geriatric diversity, I propose Gran Theft Auto: Lawn Defense. As the title so aptly suggests, it’s a Rockstar produced, tower defense game, in which the player must defend their porch from young people with too much time on their hands.

The player will have several tools at his or her disposal, including, but not limited to, a sprinkler system, BB guns and a Rottweiler. Once the player fills a special meter by dealing damage to enemies, they can call in Vietnam buddies, who don’t park their car close enough to the curb, therefore blocking enemy traffic.

Seeing as how the game is based on Clint Eastwood’s Gran Torino, Eastwood himself will populate the lower right corner of the screen, grumbling gameplay tips for the player. And there’s no written text, so listen closely.