How To Fake Being An Expert On The 9 Movies That Matter At This Year’s Oscars

Argo 

–By the Numbers:

• 7: Nominations
• 96, 86: Rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and Metacritic (respectively)
• 127, 77: Millions of dollars earned at the domestic, and foreign box office (respectively)
• 1: Rank on Roger Ebert’s Best of 2012 list

–Major Contender for: Best Picture, Best Supporting Actor (Alan Arkin), Best Adapted Screenplay, sound and editing awards

–Success on the Awards Circuit: Winner of six Best Picture awards, including a Golden Globe (Drama), and BAFTA.

–Synopsis: Ben Affleck directs and stars in a dramatic retelling of the Canadian Caper, the biggest success story to come out of the 1980 Iranian hostage crisis. Six American diplomats trapped in revolutionary Iran were succesfully exfiltrated by a CIA working group, which entered the country by pretending to be a film crew scouting locations for their Star Wars rip-off, “Argo.” Affleck plays Tony Mendez, the leader of the rescue team who comes up with the ruse, with Alan Arkin and John Goodman co-starring as the Hollywood big shots responsible for making a fake movie seem like the real deal.

–Oscar-appropriate Themes: Hollywood movies about Hollywood, American history that hasn’t gotten the big screen treatment.

–Juiciest Piece of Oscar Bait: It’s a “based on a story” film that manages to lionize Hollywood and American intelligence agencies at the same time.

–Buzz Going into the Oscars: 10/10. A major crowd-pleaser, the film opened to universal critical praise back in October, but didn’t find much awards success when running up against more prestigious competition. The lack of a director nomination for Affleck seemed to cinch Argo’s destiny as a forgotten good, but not quite great film. Then, a funny thing happened on the road to the Oscars. Argo started winning everything. Since the Oscar nominations, the groundswell of good press from other awards shows has completely rewritten the mood going in. The forgotten also-ran has turned into a presumptive winner, as being unanimously liked often bodes better for your chances at the Oscars than having virtuoso ambition, which tends to piss a few people off. It’s going into the show with an edge in many categories, so what matters is whether the Academy wants to spread the love around, or really force the narrative that Argo was the movie of 2012.

–Trivia Tidbit: Were it to win Best Picture, it would be the fourth time a film has done so without getting nominated for Best Director (Wings in ’27, Grand Hotel in ’32, and Driving Mrs. Daisy in ’89 did the same).

–Talking Points if Your Crowd Loves it: Argo is the one movie everybody can agree on, which is the main reason its odds of being the evening’s big winner are so high. It’s a history lesson that manages to be funny, thrilling, and just incredibly entertaining the whole way through. Even with two fine films under his belt (Gone Baby Gone, The Town), it’s now officially okay to celebrate Affleck’s complete career 180. His lack of a director nomination is the most egregious snub of the whole show, and calling him the next Eastwood is a safe statement. “Argo fuck yourself,” has become the movie’s unofficial slogan, so be sure to drop it liberally with each statue win.

–Talking Points if Your Crowd Hates it: For something based on an amazing true story, Argo sure feels the need to rewrite history. Canada’s involvement in the operation is downplayed to basically a footnote, the film’s climactic airport chase is a complete fabrication, and Affleck taking over the starring role is both a nasty case of Hollywood vanity, and whitewashing. Its satirical elements are as toothless as an employee roast of the boss during your office Christmas party; Argo has the appearance of a backhanded compliment, but it’s eating out of Hollywood’s hand the whole way, making it arguably the biggest Oscar bait movie of the night. It’s disposable popcorn fluff, just for an audience that has the power to say said fluff is better than some truly outstanding films made in 2012. If Affleck’s smarmy visage rolls up to the podium, tell him to Argo fuck himself.

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