Holy Sh…ark! The 13 Worst Horror Movies Of 2014

2) Jersey Shore Massacre

Being a Jersey native, you’d think a horror movie containing graphic death sequences involving obnoxiously over-tanned guidos and guidettes would bring nothing but joy, but in the case of Jersey Shore Massacre, you couldn’t be more incorrect. Exploiting the world’s most unrewarding brand, a group of MTV look-a-likes are shipped off to the shores of New Jersey for a weekend of grenade-dodging and GTL sessions – until ending up in a house that’s far from any clubs or beaches. Yup, a Jersey Shore Massacre that doesn’t even take place on the shore. Smashing.

While I do admit there’s a huge potential for fun if the characters were killed in ways that related to the shore – run over by a roller coaster, murdered in a club, head stuck in a vat of concession-stand-oil – nothing about Jersey Shore Massacre makes use of the stereotypes surrounding it. The characters look the part, and they constantly crave chicken parm like any marinara-blooded Italian would, but the entire film only amounts to hateful dialogue, dismissive ideas, ATROCIOUS acting, and an aggressively bad attitude. Someone poops in the Jersey shore for NO REASON – do I need to say anything else?

Produced by Jennifer “JWOWW” Farley, here’s the nicest thing I could say about the film from the original review:

Imagine the cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore stuck in a slasher movie – but then remove any bits of entertainment, intelligence or respectful execution you might assume would be present. Who pulled the pin on this grenade?