Holy Sh…ark! The 13 Worst Horror Movies Of 2014

Every year I joke about how quickly time passes, as I can still vividly remember exclaiming how Dracula 3D would undoubtedly be the worst horror film I'd see in ages, but here we are at the end of 2014, agonizing over what could be one of the worst year-end recaps I've had to write since joining We Got This Covered. There were some very good horror movies released this year, but where I only awarded a single 1-star review last year, 2014 saw three in the horror genre alone. Seriously. Dracula 3D was last year's stinkiest turd sandwich, but this year offered three different efforts that left me begging for salvation.

3) The Pyramid

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A horror movie released on what’s universally known as the worst opening weekend of the year (December 5th) that’s granted no press screenings, Thursday night openings, or even a midnight release in most markets – what could go wrong? Judging by its instantaneous jump directly into third place, kicking Alien Abduction from the #13 spot, the better question is what DIDN’T go wrong during Gregory Levasseur’s found footage monstrosity. Dimly-lit temple settings, animated eyesores, rotten acting, an unintelligible script – The Pyramid is everything that’s wrong with the found footage genre.

The only instance I can be remotely positive about is the inclusion of James Buckley (The Inbetweeners) as the comedically-inclined cameraman, yet dumbfounding dialogue squashes any hopes of Buckley lightening the mood. Almost every single found-footage-no-no is stumbled over in some way, from ghost cameramen (how are all characters on screen) to a musical score (WHO PUT MUSIC TO THE DEATHS OF INNOCENT ARCHEOLOGISTS!?), resulting in a sackless found footage movie that doesn’t even have the gusto to stick out the selected gimmick.

This was NOT a good year for found footage horror movies based on foreign historical locations, but The Pyramid makes As Above, So Below look like [REC] in comparison.

I think this review excerpt hits the nail on the head:

The Pyramid doesn’t care about its viewers, and Levasseur makes that notion blatantly obvious by finding new ways to reassure found-footage-haters that their wild anti-shaky-cam rants remain valid – so why should we care about such a film? We shouldn’t. It’s that simple.


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Author
Matt Donato
A drinking critic with a movie problem. Foodie. Meatballer. Horror Enthusiast.