Movies To Watch When You’re Sick Of Valentine’s Day

It's not so much that I hate romance, or love, or relationships. It's that Valentine's Day after awhile gets so sweet, so saccharine, that you begin to feel like you've eaten too many conversation hearts. If you're single, it's the time when all your singleness comes home to you, what with the big boxes of heart-shaped candy and endless romantic movies on every single TV station. If you're in a relationship, it's a time of great hassle, when you have to make certain to buy cards, buy flowers (or expect flowers), make reservations, find out that you waited too long to make reservations, or argue about what movie you're going to watch on TV. It's just a hassle and there tons of expectations for all of us.

Lauren Humphries-Brooks

Published: Feb 14, 2013 12:14 pm

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[h2]Stuff Blowing Up[/h2]

Moving on to happier forms of getting out your anti-Valentine’s Day sentiments, try this: a really badass action movie. Sure, some have romantic elements, but most are so overtaken by stuff exploding that you don’t really have time to pay attention to anything else.

The Expendables/Expendables 2

Infused with testosterone, bursting at the seams with stuff blowing up, this is a great anti-Valentine’s Day film. Sure, there’s a little bit of romance with Jason Statham’s girlfriend and Sly Stallone’s little flirtation with … some chick, but really this one is all about stuff blowing up, and shooting stuff, and punching stuff. All. The. Time. Not much of a plot to follow, just one awesome set piece after another, culminating in badass shoot-outs with pithy one-liners from the world’s greatest artistes in blowing stuff up.

(Almost) Any James Bond Movie

James Bond (or Jimmy, as I like to call him) is perfect for Valentine’s Day, regardless of your gender. Granted, he sometimes get a bit maudlin, but for the most part he switches partners so fast that he can barely mourn one girl before he’s shagging another. So, not very forward thinking or feminist, but these are movies in which stuff blows up. I love Sean Connery, so I would go for Goldfinger or Dr. No (both films with very little love interest to speak of), but pick your favorite Bond. Unless your favorite Bond is George Lazenby, in which case there’s something wrong with you. Even Diana Rigg could not save that movie.

300

Speaking of testosterone … Zack Snyder. 300 is one of those movies that I object to morally, politically, cinematically … and will always put in when I feel in the need of some serious bloodshed. Despite that one, slightly disturbing sex scene, there’s no hint of love story in this one. Just King Leonidas and his merry band of men in leather underpants fighting King Xerxes and his supposed Persians – who knew the ancient Persians were so camp? – in very slow motion. The blood arcs are just enough to make you cry. So is the dialogue, but who’s looking for dialogue? This one is all about violence.