Nato And Remy’s Last Stand: Mainstream Horror Nightmares – And Not The Good Kind

Remy – Chernobyl Diaries

You mother f*ckers. Wait, why do I sometimes edit the word f*ck, and other times, just fucking leave it? That is weird. Anyway, you futher muckers had such a golden opportunity. First of all, no films have really dealt with the Chernobyl fallout and what could be existing there since the place was abandoned. You were THERE. You had actual scenes filmed in fucking Chernobyl, with rotted Ferris wheels and empty buildings. Do you realize if you sent me to Chernobyl and gave me a five dollar budget, I could come back with better footage and a scarier, more cohesive movie than what you guys spit out?

On top of that, you ruined “found footage” movies for me. When said genre is done well ([Rec]), it’s about as immersive and scary as it gets. When it’s done awfully, it ruins the concepts and ideas of what makes “found footage” work.

This movie was a perfect storm of shit. The acting was awful, there were no real scares and the story was barely held together with dental floss thin writing. How do you get such a cool, scary place, and literally suck all the terror out of it? I don’t know, to be honest. I really don’t. Even if you made it about one crazy squatter who slowly mutated over the years and hated outsiders and was hunting these kids down, one by one, that would have been (generic slasher, yes, but still) better than the movie you gave us.

Truth be told, I can’t even remember how this movie played out. When your movie is SO BAD my brain pretends I never saw it, something is seriously wrong with your film.