Nato And Remy’s Last Stand: What If Carrie Was In The Faculty? (And Other Mix & Match Horror Fantasies)

Remy – The Exorcist in Monster Squad


Okay, hear me out. I don’t want the actual exorcist (the priest). I’m not one of those dumbasses who confuses the name of the movie and its charaters. No, I want the possessed little girl from The Exorcist in Monster Squad. Wait, it gets better (or worse if you hate me). My version is quite different from what you are expecting. I don’t want Regan (Linda Blair) in her pure evil form as a bad guy, or one of the monsters. No, in my version, she is on the actual squad.

Check it.

So Regan goes to school with all the kids who are in the Monster Squad, and they hear rumors that she was once possessed. She confesses that she can bring back the demon on command, and now only uses him for good. I know that makes no sense, but that’s half the fun about speculating such scenarios.

Anyway, her possession could be used for some pretty stellar comic moments. Remember the scene with “Dracula’s daughters”, when they are chasing after the squad, hissing and shit?

In my version, Regan turns around all possessed like, and projectile vomits on them. Cut to the vampires, all freaked out, rightfully turning around and running away. Regan gets back to the squad, who are understandably freaked out, and she says:

“That was fun, can we do it again?”

Not only it is fun and campy, but no matter what you say, that shit would work.