Nato And Remy’s Last Stand: What If Carrie Was In The Faculty? (And Other Mix & Match Horror Fantasies)

You can't keep a dreamer from dreaming. Damn the facts, ignore rationale, and screw the rules - what's the fun of having an imagination if you don't use it, right? Well, OK, maybe Freddy Krueger can keep a dreamer from dreaming, because no one wants to be sucked into a nightmarish dreamland full of death and decay, but you get my point - it's always fun to imagine "What if?"

Nato – Burt Gummer (Tremors) In Gremlins

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Mix and match two of my favorite creature features of all time? Yes, yes I think I will.

While Stripe and his gang of mischievous monsters get what’s coming to them at the end of Gremlins, let’s be honest – Billy Peltzer was kind of a klutz. It took a decent amount of help from Gizmo to even defeat the horde of gremlins attacking Kingston Falls, especially in the final battle with Stripe. This of course is after Billy accidentally exposes Giz to light numerous times and is an all-around terrible Mogwai owner, making Gizmo’s heroics even more meaningful. Hell, if I was Giz I’d have turned my back the third time my idiot owner flashed me.

With Burt Gummer from Tremors in the picture, none of this would have happened. First of all, his strict mindset would have kept Giz safe, but let’s pretend the worst did happen and Burt was left to deal with these hurtful pranksters. Do you think they would have stood a chance? Gummer would have been armed to the teeth, going to war with Stripe’s army from the very first instance. Sure, it probably would have ended with an explosion much like Gremlins does, but there’d be a ton more gunfire, little gremlin corpses would be strewn about Kingston Falls, and Gizmo would have reverted to Rambo-mode immediately to help Burt.

The streets would run green with gremlin blood, making Burt Gummer the sole savior of Christmas.


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Author
Matt Donato
A drinking critic with a movie problem. Foodie. Meatballer. Horror Enthusiast.