Nazis, Cheap Thrills, And Big Bad Wolves: The 13 Best Horror Movies Of 2014

While reflecting on an entire year's worth of horror movies may sound like a tremendous chore, there's no better feeling than reliving some of your favorite cinematic moments after the dust has settled and no more films remain unreleased. Sure, sifting through the worst of the worst may be not be an enviable task - which I did for my Worst Horror Movies Of 2014 feature already - but my "Best Of" work is where the movie Gods show their mercy. This is my exploration of the best horror had to offer this year, and my chance to tip my hat towards those horror films that remind me why a genre full of murder, mayhem, and spooky horrors provides the highest highs that Hollywood can provide. Before I get to the main list, I do want to give a few shout-outs to those films that deserve an honorable mention, even if they aren't in my top thirteen. Movies like Exists and Extraterrestrial achieved success through found footage formatting that dealt with their respective creatures without holding anything back, where Willow Creek and The Houses October Built did so by dialling the found footage method down with a little more realism. Nurse 3D is another 2014 surprise about a psychotic medical assistant who moonlights as a killer, showcasing Paz De La Huerta's sexy black-widow side, which is almost as surprising as my love for Almost Human given how alien flicks aren't exactly my favorite. Kudos to The Den and The Banshee Chapter for sufficiently creeping me out as well, rounding out the films that barely missed a numbered ranking from yours truly. This year didn't really find a tremendous amount of scares thanks to the failure of movies like Annabelle and Ouija, but 2014 was an absolute BLAST as far as horror comedies are concerned. Between a slasher musical, the latest Troma release, an anthology horror sequel, and Kevin Smith's podcast-turned-movie, silliness reigned supreme as far as horror was concerned. Oh, and I know what most of you are going to say after scrolling through, so I'll confess this now - The Babadook is not mentioned on this list at all. If you'd like to get your ranting out of the way now, please feel free. I already know it's coming. Alright, let's get to the main event. It's time to start discussing the 13 best horror movies of 2014! 13) Return To Nuke ‘Em High Volume 1 Starting off my list is a film from 2013 that I was able to screen at the NYC Horror Film Festival, as the night quickly spiraled into insanity after Troma took over Tribeca cinemas. Hitting upon the very essence of what makes B-Movies such a treat, Return To Nuke 'Em High Volume 1 is everything we love about Troma's insane style, but there's also a sense of gritty nostalgia as we return to Nuke 'Em High for another Cretin-filled adventure. There's blood, guts, goo, gigantic phallic symbols - like I said, everything you'd expect from Troma. The real surprise is how satirically funny and gleefully well-acted Lloyd Kaufman's latest disasterpiece plays, because even though a few lines are a tad forceful in their absurdity, Return To Nuke 'Em High Volume 1 feels MUCH larger than expected. Catherine Corcoran and Asta Paredes play a fiery pair of heroines who we genuinely care about, while a goofier performance from Clay von Carlowitz ensures that comedy isn't lost amidst every crazy kill sequence. Mix in a bunch of reputable cameos and squeamish practical effects that have become a famous Troma staple, and you've got one of the year's most unexpectedly successful genre exploitations. Nudity, bodily fluids, destruction, musical numbers - Return To Nuke 'Em High Volume 1 has it all. In my original review, I concluded the following: Kaufman’s newest high school romp is some of Troma’s best work, right on par with a personal favorite of mine called Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead. 12) The ABCs Of Death 2 The ABCs Of Death is a brilliant concept that was met with a mixed-bag result come the first collection of bloody alphabet blocks, but the ride was fun enough and provided ample variety to keep horror fans guessing between each letter. Don't get me wrong, some letters were absolute duds, and the final twenty six entries were a split 50/50 of highs and lows - a ratio that The ABCs Of Death 2 improves on greatly. Starting things off is E.L. Katz with "A is for Assassination," quite possibly my favorite letter next to the original's "D is for Dogfight." That's not to say everything is all downhill from the get-go, but you'll be hard-pressed to find a more enjoyable short that mixes pitch-black humor with a gross, relentless death sequence embodying everything Tim League and Ant Timpson want The ABCs Of Death to be. Other notable shout-outs go to the Soska Sisters, Alejandro Brugués, Marvin Kren, Jerome Sable, and Chris Nash, but compared to the original, there are a TON more winners this time around - so much so that you can focus on only talking about the positive. 11) Starry Eyes Movies have often told the trials and tribulations of struggling actors/actresses looking to make their mark, but Starry Eyes finds a way to exploit a vulnerable young soul with more poignant satire than other likeminded efforts. Hitting on a cultish vibe reminiscent to Rosemary's Baby, we meet a young actress who is willing to do anything for fame, and a story that plays out that mixes sick slasher killings with celebutante psychological horror. The nature of the story is very slow-burn, which makes for a longer buildup, but the horrific explosion of deadly retribution coming at the film's end makes up for any tonal complaints anyone might have - patience is a virtue here. Actress Alex Essoe shines as the film's "victim" Sarah, subjecting herself to sexual exploitation and physical deterioration in ways that only a horror satire could dream up. It's a mesmerizing turn that includes interactions with so many other Hollywood stereotypes, including glossy cultists and other struggling actresses stuck working gimmicky waitressing gigs, but Essoe's delving into the corruption of fame stands as Starry Eyes' biggest reward. It's a very performance-driven movie, but all that changes during a Carpenter-inspired finish. If you're still not convinced on this one, here's the verdict from my review of the film: Starry Eyes balances Hollywood satire and splattery gore in a way that's both fresh and inviting, taking a typical struggling actress and exploiting her story with everything the horror genre has to offer. 10) Wolf Creek 2 A lot of people did not like Wolf Creek 2, commenting how serial killer Mick Taylor's second go-around lacked the political weight of Greg Mclean's original slasher success - I am not one of those people. For my money, Mick Taylor asserts himself as one of horror's emerging slasher icons in his second bout of murder and bloodshed, haunting the Australian outback for another bloody mix of killings that feature some stomach-churning special effects. Mick Taylor is what happens when Crocodile Dundee loses his ever-loving mind, and Wolf Creek 2 is the crux of his insanity. Actor John Jarratt is on top of his game as Taylor, charming viewers like Jaffrey Dahmer after a class in sophistication. I'm not saying it's the smartest horror movie you'll ever see, but it's one of the craziest slasher efforts I've seen in a few years thanks to some absolutely outrageous practical effects work. Mick Taylor is a horrifying urban legend, and his reputation is pushed further with each gruesome decapitation, flaying, and animal-like-slaughter. In a time where horror movies have become generic, recycled efforts, Jarratt creates a character who demands our attention and rules the screen - with plenty of blood on the side. Give me more Mick Taylor - that's all I ask. 9) Tusk Listen, I understand that there are a ton of Kevin Smith haters out there, complaining about a talkative delivery and egotistical filmmaking, but hot damn, where did this hatred come from? I understand if you didn't like Clerks, and found Smith's filmmaking unfavorable from the beginning, but Tusk is everything you've come to expect from the vulgar mumblecorian, with the addition of a hilarious walrus suit. Tusk is the kind of movie everyone hypes up before release, spreading the mystery of a batshit insane story, but Smith's ability to deliver on the promise was unmatched this year. You want a walrus torture porn flick? Here's your movie. I was worried that Tusk would be all buildup and no payoff (because how do you go full walrus for so long?), but Smith throws Justin Long in the walrus suit early and never backs away from the situation. When you promise something so jaw-dropping, there has to be a commitment to utter insanity - which this Canadian "creature feature" embraces wholeheartedly. Michael Parks proves once again how he's a tremendously commanding talent, I actually enjoyed Long's commentary on the podcaster lifestyle of today, and (in my opionion) Smith writes a satrical bit of cinema worth its weight in stinky raw fish. And whatever, I'll even say it - in small doses, Johnny Depp's character is quite amusing. Again though, just read the verdict from my original review of the film, it says it all: Tusk is a fearless, ambitious, and hilariously unnerving "horror" film that only Kevin Smith could imagine, walrus suit and all. 8) Housebound Horror movies are often the biggest offenders of terrible storyboarding when done wrong, but Housebound is a rare case when a writer discovers one unique gimmick that ties everything together - and it works. In the case of Gerard Johnstone's New Zealand horror comedy, the filmmaker realized characters have no reason to stay inside a haunted house without sound reasoning, which is why he places his main character under house arrest. It's easy to write-off stupid genre characters who refuse to leave a house that's obviously haunted, yet when someone is chained there by an ankle bracelet, the story somehow comes together with a respectable intelligence - and PLENTY of humor. Morgana O’Reilly plays a clumsy robber who hilariously gets caught mid-crime, forced to live at home with her parents, and she does a phenomenal job carrying this funky genre laugh-fest. There's a security guard moonlighting as a ghost hunter, spooky suburban settings, and a perfect tonal balance of guffaws that leaves audiences in hysterics while O’Reilly fights her childhood demons. Housebound is a labor of love, and Johnstone's patience ensures quality in every scene. 7) Witching & Bitching Álex de la Iglesia is a bit of an acquired taste based on his past releases (The Last Circus comes to mind immediately), but in my mind, Witching & Bitching solidifies this Spanish maniac as one of the most interesting foreign genre talents in the game today. Not only did de la Iglesia find a way to make a frantic witch story with equal parts dark comedy and spooky cult horror, but he did so with an energy other filmmakers lack. From start to finish, Witching & Bitching is a fun-filled thrill ride that features a surprise ending with one of the most shocking bits of nudity captured on screen this year (based on sheer size alone). The film starts out with a heist scene that introduces us to a team of bumbling criminals, one of their children, and a driver who gets caught in the whole ordeal. The "team" eventually finds themselves being chased by a coven of witches. Tomfoolery runs rampant, love is discovered, and lots of people die, but de la Iglesia never skips a beat while performing his tonal juggling act - a feat that secures a whimsical style, almost as if we're watching a sinister fairy tale. Witching & Bitching is a ballsy attempt at something fresh, invigorating, and wholly rewarding, making the payoff oh-so-sweet. 6) Dead Snow 2: Red Vs. Dead The original Dead Snow is an intriguing watch simply for the inclusion of Nazi Zombies, but there's a seriousness in its handling of such goofy terms (Nazi gold, American cinema references, cranium-smashing kills). Dead Snow 2: Red Vs. Dead is a direct follow up (yes, DIRECT) to Tommy Wirkola's original adventure, but in spirit, this wildly uproarious sequel goes a far more comedic route than expected. While the kills are gruesome, Wirkola also finds a slapstick mentality that's more fun than it has any right to be, ripping out intestines and blowing up baby strollers with the best of 'em. Yes, I just said baby strollers. No one is safe from Wirkola's insanity. Dead Snow 2: Red Vs. Dead is the kind of horror movie that can reuse an intestine-tearing-out gag in three different scenes yet find a unique usage each time, featuring a story that culminates in an epic undead battle between Nazi zombies and Russian zombies. LOTS of people die in horrible, atrocious ways, but you'll still find yourself laughing the entire way thanks to an American team of "zombie specialists" lead by Martin Starr. It's also great to see Vegar Hoel stepping into a leading role with vigor this time around, elevating his game from the original Dead Snow, which is really the icing on this blood-splattered German cake. This is the most important horror movie about Nazi zombies ever made, and as I say in my review of the film: Dead Snow 2: Red Vs. Dead is a superbly confident splatterfest that could be some of the most fun you'll have at the movies this year. Ein! Zwei! Die...AGAIN! 5) Stage Fright Horror musicals are often strange, flamboyant beasts, but the greatest gift unveiled at this year's South by Southwest festival was Jerome Sable's Stage Fright - a brilliantly meta slasher/musical taking place at a theater camp. There I was, sitting in the Alamo Drafthouse after a full day of review writing and movie watching, ready to pass out, yet once Stage Fright kicked in, it was like a burst of energy fueled by nothing but relentless genre fun. The songs are catchy, the gore grotesque, and performances gut-busting - plus it stars Meatloaf. There's a little something horrific for everyone! What strikes most is the brilliant juxtaposition of classical theater tunes against absolutely riff-tacular 80's metal, complete with an arena-rock-screamer villain, as composer Eli Batalion helps his buddy out with scoring duties. When I first heard Stage Fright being described as "Glee meets a Scream," part of me wanted to run for the hills - but don't let yourself be turned off by the whole Glee reference. Sable's film is crazy, fresh, and absolutely out of its mind, easily finding itself being one of the most entertaining watches of 2014. 4) A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night Everyone keeps saying Jennifer Kent's psychological thriller The Babadook is the best first feature of 2014, but there's another filmmaker whose first effort deserves the title outright - and that's Ana Lily Amirpour. There's so much creative expressionism oozing out of A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, from a phenomenally engaging soundtrack to picturesque cinematography, that Amirpour instantly solidified her status as a promising up-and-coming talent with a vibrant, unique voice. In no way did I think Amirpour's black-and-white Iranian vampire movie could possess such a colorful personality, but each scene is set with such a carful, attentive eye to perfectly-framed shots - a true perfectionist's dream. Sheila Vand, who plays Amirpour's mysterious 'The Girl," delivers a strong female role in a time of male-dominated Hollywood blockbusters. Kristen Stewart will always be remembered as the actress who helped pussify vampires, and Vand's performance couldn't be farther from all the suckage that Twilight represents. A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night is indeed a romantic vampire film, but Amirpour's effort has both a sweet heart and a vicious bite, blending beautifully with an indie rock soundtrack that grooves along with the filmmaker's outrageous style. I didn't have the pleasure of reviewing Amirpour's charming horror flick here on We Got This Covered, but I wasn't letting this one slip through the cracks on me, and boy am I glad I caught it. Remember the name Ana Lily Amirpour - you'll be hearing it a LOT more in the coming years. 3) Big Bad Wolves While you might not be afraid of one big bad wolf, how about going up against three of them? Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado dig deep in creating Big Bad Wolves, a revenge thriller that disregards cutesy games and channels raw, irrational emotion that will ruin fairy tales for anyone with a moral backbone. Being dubbed "The Best Movie Of The Year" by Quentin Tarantino, it's easy to get lost in this chaotic collision of heartbreak, redemption, and judicial thinking - along with obvious undertones of seething rage. Here's how it starts: Gidi (Tzahi Grad) is a father whose daughter has just been murdered (brutally), Dror (Rotem Keinan) is the only suspect, and Miki (Lior Ashkenazi) is a detective convinced that Dror is the killer. Gidi takes matters into his own hands when he believes Dror walks free, capturing the suspected deviant, yet Miki's own plans land him in Gidi's trap as well. From here we're subjected to torture scenes and unnerving tension, built with movies like I Saw The Devil and Oldboy in mind - but with an Israeli twist. It's, like, really good. Trust me. 2) Cheap Thrills Filmmaker E.L. Katz gets a double mention on this year's list, as I've already dropped his name in my write-up for The ABCs Of Death 2, but Cheap Thrills comes solely from Katz's vision alone. Written by David Chirchirillo and Trent Haaga, there's so much hilarious Troma influence injected into this bar-room-game turned sadistic horror tale, but Katz understands gore alone isn't enough to hit on the film's deceptively weighty tones. Cheap Thrills is about the sickening lows you're willing to reach once your back is against the wall, faced with degrading choices that might spell a way out of mediocrity - which can be darkly comical at times. Starring Pat Healy, David Koechner, Sara Paxton, and Ethan Embry, the cast of Cheap Thrills is perfectly plucked for each and every part. Healy becomes more and more relatable as the struggling blue-collar schlub, Embry charms as an unexpected badass and Paxton's eyes do all her talking, but it's Koechner who achieves hilarious perfection as the night's ringleader. I've seen Cheap Thrills numerous times since buying the Blu-Ray, and even though I know how it'll end up, each viewing still remains as ridiculously enjoyable as the last. 1) Afflicted Afflicted is the perfect "case and point" example in found footage horror this year, proving my feelings tenfold. If you look back on my Worst Of 2014 horror list, you'll see that about half the listical is populated by found footage mockeries that do plenty more harm than good. Now, if you reflect back on the list you're reading, you'll notice that the only other found footage filmmaking comes from certain segments of The ABCs Of Death 2, with Derek Lee and Clif Prowse's Afflicted being the ONLY pure found footage film worthy of "Top 13" honors - plus it clocks in at #1 on the year. When found footage is bad, damn it's bad, but when it's good, the benefits are unfathomable. This is a movie with brass balls, reinventing the vampire genre in a way that can only be described as an intense genre film influenced by Chronicle. Lee and Prowse wear every hat on this production, and do so extremely well - their acting is lovable, Lee's transformation is harrowing, the handling of vampire norms favors fangs over fluffiness, and the scares are legitimate. Afflicted is a blast from the buddy-comedy start to a bloody, vile finish, taking audiences on the most unique genre ride of 2014.