4) Jingle All The Way (1995)
What You Thought As A Kid:
This kid Jamie is living the Christmas dream. I wish my Dad was more like Arnold Schwarzenegger – look how much effort he’s making to get his son that Turbo Man! I mean, c’mon, my Dad never went to those extents to get me a Furby. And that toy is awesome! “Rock ’em, sock ’em” jet pack? Why are they calling it a doll, though? Heck, I want one anyways! GET ME ONE.
What’s Really Going On:
This is the hardest entry to write, considering that my own nostalgia is telling me that this is the greatest Christmas movie of them all (and maybe the greatest movie of all-time). But if I’m out to destroy other people’s fond memories, it’s only fair that I tear apart Brian Levant’s Jingle All The Way too – and this is a movie that deserves to be torn apart.
Firstly, it’s important to mention that Jingle All The Way is still an entertaining flick because, c’mon, it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger frantically searching for a toy in the midst of Christmas cheer. But even that wacky premise can’t save a movie that has all its morals and integrity in the wrong places.
Because Jingle All The Way is all about a terrible father who spends too much time at work, ignores his family, and tries to make right of the situation by buying his son’s love with an action figure. I’m sure plenty of awful parents have gone down a similar road come Christmas time, and it probably works (kids love getting things). But this is a Christmas movie, dammit, and there’s no excusing the fact that Arnie’s character is a piece of work. He eventually resorts to trying to steal the toy from his goofy neighbour’s house and ends up setting the Christmas tree on fire and punching a reindeer in the face. Merry Christmas?
Levant attempts to make amends with the film’s lack of moral conduct during the finale when little Jamie (a pre-Anakin Skywalker Jake Lloyd) reveals that he doesn’t give a damn about the toy and just wants his Dad instead. But that just feels tacked on, given that the little mite couldn’t stop talking about the thing for 90 minutes of our time. There are some genuinely amusing moments to be had: Sinbad plays Schwarzenegger’s rival surprisingly well for Sinbad, the Big Show makes a rollicking cameo, and Phil Hartman is brilliant as always. But despite its good intentions to embrace all things Christmasy, Jingle All The Way can’t escape its daft script and feel-bad premise.
Redeeming Factors: As far as I can tell, the studio didn’t put out a Turbo Man Doll at Christmas time to tie-in with the movie. Oh, wait.
Rotten Tomatoes:Â 15%
