Read Jonah Jameson’s exposé on Spider-Man’s true identity

The unstoppable rise of social media and the ease with which information is disseminated across the internet has made it more difficult than ever for major blockbusters to mount viral marketing campaigns in the traditional sense.

Instead, the focus falls on quantity over ingenuity looking at the deluge of trailers, teasers, TV spots, posters and stills used to sell the latest mega budget epic to the masses, but Spider-Man: No Way Home has gone old school after Daily Bugle newsstands began popping up all over New York City.

Fans went wild when they discovered that copies of the in-canon newspaper were being circulated in real life, and one of the biggest stories from the Bugle is Jonah Jameson’s exposé on Spider-Man’s true identity, which was of course the basis of Far From Home‘s cliffhanger ending. The piece has now been made available in its entirety online, and you can check it out below.

“Maniac. Menace. Mystery? No more! That’s right, true Buglers! Ever since the masked marauder masquerading as Spider-Man dangled with impunity above our city streets – without a permit, might I add – and took the law into his own web-covered hands, yours truly worked tirelessly to de-mask the myth and reveal the truth. And now we have. Peter Parker. Just a boy.

And now that the coward has been unmasked, will he do his civic duty and answer for his egregious crimes? Will he use his great power to join the police force? The fire department? Fat chance! Will Peter Parker take responsibility for the vandalism and destruction of property those powers have left smoking in his wake? Ha! Don’t make me laugh!

Parker wore a mask because he refuses to answer for his actions. He kept his identity hidden because he views himself as above the law. But if the Constitution doesn’t allow citizens to vote until they’ve reached the age of 18, why would we continue to let a child decide who is saved and who is guilty?

We know he’s made mistakes before. Just ask Quentin Beck. Oh, wait, you can’t! ‘Cause Spidey killed him! So if you don’t want to be next, dear reader, join me in this call to the unmasked red-tight-wearing monster:

Peter Parker, we are the public, and we will be YOUR judge and YOUR jury. Call the tip line, folks. Let Parker know you’re watching.

J. Jonah Jameson, Editor in Chief”

It’s impossible to read it without hearing the voice of J.K. Simmons in your head, and even though Tom Holland surprisingly admitted he hasn’t even met the actor who ruined his secret double life onscreen, you can bet that Spider-Man: No Way Home will find Jameson determined to bring the masked menace to justice, at least until the multiversal chaos kicks in.