Adam A. Donaldson’s 10 Worst Films Of 2014

Transformers: Age of Extinction

Well, if you can’t please critics, you can at least make a billion dollars at the box office, right? Not that Michael Bay was looking for self-assurance from either critics or audience, because Transformers: Age of Extinction is about as self-assured a work as there was at the movies this year. That’s not to say confidence in one’s self is good or bad, but Bay definitely has a vision for what a Transformers movie should be whether you like it or not: bigger, louder and dumber.

It’s hard to peg where exactly Bay went off track with this Transformers, as he basically does the exact same stuff he’s been doing with the series all along, but at a three-hour running time, Age of Extinction is overstuffed with all of Bay’s worst instincts. Nevermind that there’s about three different movies happening simultaneously plot-wise, but every person we meet is a stock character from central casting: the dim-witted sidekick, the evil government guy, the detached businessman, and the star, the well-meaning American everyman that believes in hard work and doing what’s right.

Mark Wahlberg somewhat saves the day, being a much more appealing action movie lead than Shia LaBeouf, but tying him to Jack Reynor and Nicola Peltz as self-aware, age-inappropriate star-crossed lovers was a typical Bay miscalculation (and evidenced of some pretty messed up views about young romance).

Of course, you realize that the human element is nearly superfluous in a Transformers movie when it’s fighting robots that bring out the fanboys. If you can suspend your disbelief that far, great! On the other hand, you may wonder why there’s such a thing as an overweight robot? Or a robot who’s a racial stereotype from this planet’s past? And those Dinobots you’ve seen all over the production art and movie posters? They don’t show up till the last 20 minutes.

Along with all that, there’s a pointless side adventure to Hong Kong, because making this a Chinese co-production meant preferential treatment for the movie in Chinese theaters. And for no other reason than that, the Transformers laid siege to Asia. China, in other words, was just another product placement in a movie that was plastered with them.

At this point, we can always assume that someone in charge of this franchise might take the opportunity that the success of Age of Extinction has afforded to reinvigorate the franchise with some new blood and some genuine creativity. Unfortunately though, Bayhem is worth a billion dollars! The Transformers movies may be hollow, but the candy coating is worth a pretty penny.