5) Fifty Shades of Grey
About as erotic as Gilbert Gottfried’s audiobook recording of the source material, this toothless and tactless “BDSM romance” is a turn-off in every sense of the word.
Dousing any romantic sparks between its two leads (Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, who are somehow expected to survive making at least two more of these) with overbearing pop music and insipid dialogue (“Laters, baby,” anyone?), it’s the result of a tormented production between director Sam Taylor-Johnson and original author EL James (who reportedly dominated the production at every possible opportunity, and not in a sexy way), each of whom set out to make drastically different movies. Unfortunately, neither works.
What’s left is a limp, lifeless Skinemax entry that would irk even that softcore premium network’s hardcore fanbase. Besides, there’s just no escaping how sinister the unhealthy, abusive relationship between Christian Grey (Dornan) and Anastasia Steele (Johnson) really is. Remove Christian’s expensive suits, and he’s just a manipulative creep preying on an innocent, malleable romantic.
Almost as disturbing: that this, the first mainstream Hollywood porno (because pretensions aside, that’s what Fifty Shades is) isn’t even remotely stimulating.
Published: Jan 4, 2016 06:37 pm