[h2]Alex – Mark[/h2]
After a few drinks and getting shot down by every girl at the bar, you drunkenly stumble out the back door into the alley. Unfortunately, your first step out the door carries you into the girlfriend of the biggest, angriest looking dude you’ve ever seen. You try to explain that it was a mere misstep, but he’s having none of it. His crew begins to gather around with the intentions of knocking the living stuffing out of you, when suddenly the world freezes and the genie of body-builders turned actors presents you with a choice: Either Arnold Schwarzenegger or Mark Wahlberg can help you in this fight, but you can only choose one. Time is ticking on your decision… you can’t make up your mind…
Wait, you seriously can’t make up your mind? Are you some kind of idiot?? There is only one proper answer to which of these men would be best on your side in a fight. That funky man is Marky Mark himself.
“But wait, Arnold is so big! And he’s the Terminator!” Well isn’t that swell that some Austrian could run around beating people up in the ’80s. Lately, while he’s been wasting his time doing pointless things like being governor, Wahlberg has been busy making movie after movie where he’s the ultimate badass.
Ignoring Wahlberg’s rapping days when he was the most jacked of all, he would have my vote even if he never made a single movie after Fear. I mean hell, he carved the name of a girl he went on like two dates with into his chest. Seriously. Carved Nicole 4 Eva into his chest. Are you kidding me Marky Mark? That insanity is just what I would want on my side in a fight. Not to mention him and his gang decapitated a dog and shoved its head through the door. That’s absolutely disgusting, and I don’t condone animal cruelty at all, but really, if you want to destroy someone, that’s the kind of crazy you need on your side.
Not only was he awesome in Fear, but jump forward a few years and you have The Italian Job which is one of the greatest revenge movies of all time. He not only uses his brawn, but his wit, and his expert driving skills to succeed there. That’s perfect, because sometimes things just go wrong in a fight. If you’re teamed up with someone cool enough to not lose their head and willing to drive you away in their Mini Cooper, you’re going to be alright.
Not content to rest on pulling off the ultimate heist, Wahlberg decided he needed a permanent spot in the halls of cinematic badasses, so he took a role in a little movie called Shooter. The plot? Mark Wahlberg tracks down every crooked agent in the United States government and gives them their just due for killing his dog. America and its president are safe thanks to the heroics of Wahlberg.
While Arnold is busy cashing his social security checks, Wahlberg is a bright-eyed 41 years old. I’m sorry, I don’t want someone on my side who is six months away from spending his Saturday nights playing bingo. And for those who think 41 is too old for a fight as well, just check out his biceps in the new trailer for Pain & Gain, then tell me 41 is too old.
Oh by the way, Wahlberg’s movies have garnered him 2 Oscar nominations, which for those who have trouble counting, is 2 more than Schwarzenegger. Go back to California Arnold.
It’s obvious he’d dominate Arnold, but could Wahlberg beat up anyone else in Hollywood? In the words of the man himself from The Departed: “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe f*ck yourself.”
Holy guns! Both sides have made some pretty dang convincing arguments. But it doesn’t stop there – have your say in the comments below. Did we miss out on a pivotal point for arguing the battle? Let us know!
If you wanna catch up on previous instalments of We Got This Covered’s Weekly Throwdown, check them out below :
Twilight Battle! Team Edward Vs Team Jacob
Battle Brad Pitt! Aniston Vs Jolie
Battle Batman! Bane’s Plan Vs The Joker’s Plan
Lord Of The Rings Battle! Who Is The Fiercest Fighter In All Of Middle Earth?
Published: Jan 19, 2013 05:43 pm