WGTC Weekly Throwdown: Battle Brad Pitt! Aniston Vs. Jolie

Matt: Angelina

Brad and Angelina.  Brangelia.  Angelad.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  Whatever you want to call them, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are a superstar pairing made in Hollywood heaven.  I mean, this is Brad Pitt we’re talking about.  He could have any woman in the world, wetting panties at torrential levels just by walking down Rodeo Drive. You’ve seen him in Se7en, Interview With A Vampire, Twelve Monkeys, Sleepers, Fight Club, Snatch, The Oceans Films, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Inglorious Basterds, among a bevy of other noteworthy triumphs.

But there’s one movie that marked his biggest triumph of all, so big it might have even ended Bradiffer – Mr. And Mrs. Smith.  Not a triumph cinematically though, oh no no.  There was a much bigger prize afoot, much more intriguing and rewarding than any Friend could tango with, and more vibrant than any Oscar.  I’m talking of course about Angelina Jolie, that freak who shed hear leash a long time ago.  What a sultry, seductive female traffic stopper, so intriguingly complex and powerful, it would be almost impossible NOT sporting a fearection in her presence.  Yes, a fear boner.

But what Brad Pitt wants, Brad Pitt gets, and our exquisite prize was tamed by an actor who always strives for greatness.  I mean this is Angelina Jolie we’re talking about.  Accused brother kisser, daughter of crazy man Jon Voight, and frequent portrayer of batshit crazy film characters with ten times more depth than any one of Jennifer Aniston’s recyclable romantic comedy snoozers.  I mean Jolie played Lara Croft, THE SEXIEST Tomb Raider of our time, kicked butts in Salt, bent bullets in Wanted,  but most importantly, subdued counterpart Brad Pitt with some spousal brawling in Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  Don’t you think Brad might have taken a liking to finding a strong female counterpart who could physically dominate him if need be?  You don’t see that dark side trying to break out of Aniston, and don’t say Horrible Bosses, because that was forced.  Aniston is the girl you bring home to meet mom, Jolie is the girl you lock in your bedroom for days on end, and she’d like it.  (Of course I’m assuming this and have no real backing to these statements for journalistic purposes.)

But OK, Brangelina are also amazing people, raising three adopted children along with their three other children.  How amazing is it to see these two celebutantes adopt underprivileged children into their lavish lifestyle, knowing they can provide for these children.  Young Pax even lost his mother just has Angelina and Brad were taking him in, so you know these kids aren’t just being snatched up for show.  Brangelina have a tremendously huge heart, one that was started by Jolie herself when she adopted with Billy Bob Thorton.  Pitt has his name on every adopted child along with Jolie, and the true humanitarians are giving these young children a second chance so many other people wish for third world nation children.  Brangelina know they can give, and that’s what they do.  Give, give, give.  Questionably the most giving power-couple roaming the strip today.

Bradiffer, blech.  Brangelina, YAY.  We have a clear winner.

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