WGTC Weekly Throwdown: Twilight Battle! Team Edward Versus Team Jacob

Alex: Team Edward

I really don’t get how the debate is still going on with this one. There was never any chance she was going to pick Jacob and it was obvious why not. He’s simply not as good-looking as Edward. Sure, Jacob’s got some epic pecs and some perfectly tanned skin, but he lost her the minute he had that nasty hip-length hair in the first one. Edward is a beautiful man. He has perfect bone structure, and those eyes, I mean talk about a pool of piercing, glittering topaz majesty. Bella said it herself, he’s “impossibly beautiful.”

Edward cares for her way more as well. Time and time again he’s tried to distance himself from her for the sake of protecting her. There’s no greater way to demonstrate love than by giving up everything you want for the betterment of the one you love. He even asked Jacob to go to her and tell her to abort the vampire baby that was killing her!  That’s his competition for this girl. He cared about her that much.

Meanwhile, Jacob’s been busy showing he’s got the dog part of being a werewolf down as his loyalty turns into a dependence bordering on pathetic. And when I say bordering on, I mean he’s definitely as pathetic as they come. Sure, he stops hanging out with her at one point, but it’s not for her betterment, he’s just pouting. Come on dude, give her some space.

Some may argue that Edward watching Bella sleep is creepy, but he’s protecting her! I mean, I’d feel better if some beautiful vampire was sitting over my bed making sure no one was out to eat me as I sweetly slumbered. That is trademark husband material. I know every girl is just dying to have a guy who doesn’t sleep so he can protect her. Edward is the only one actually capable of that.

Plus his family is loaded! I know, I know, Bella CLAIMS that she isn’t interested in his money, and she doesn’t want his nice gifts, but any girl who doesn’t concede that marrying into money would at least be nice is lying to the world. Edward’s family has a sweet house and they’re just elegant. Jacob is living in the woods in some shack. To act like that isn’t a big part of Bella’s decision would be erroneous. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Speaking of diamonds, Edward doesn’t even have the biggest flaw of most vampires. He is totally fine in the sun. In fact, he’s better than fine. He sparkles! It’s like oh, only 99% of women are staring at this incredibly attractive man, let’s let more attention be drawn to him as he glistens whenever sunlight hits him.

Vampires are simply better than werewolves. There’s no debate here. Look at the movies! From Dusk Til Dawn, Interview With A Vampire, From Dusk Til Dawn, The Lost Boys, and oh yeah, From Dusk Til Dawn! Werewolves you have what? Teen Wolf Too? No comparison.

And did I mention those eyes? Team Edward for the win.  

Disclaimer: None of us actually ENJOY the Twilight films. They are utter and absolute shite, turning an entire generation of girls into mindless, screaming, brainwashed banshees of terror. We’re actually on Team Van Helsing, and are all optimistically praying for a bloody, violent, and R-Rated crossover. One can only dream!

The arguments have been made! Be sure to cast your vote and leave your opinion on the matter. Maybe your words can help sway those readers still on the fence?