WGTC Weekly Throwdown: Unsexiest Scenes Of Love-Making

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Nato – MacGruber

With Valentine’s Day passing and love in the air, I’m sure 99% of America has seen a film with some sort of sex scene recently. Be it a romantic comedy or a sad drama, it seems like directors are inserting sex scenes anywhere they can to give the viewers a fleshy glimpse of their favorite sexy stars in some candle-lit bedroom, gyrating slowly to the rhythm of a choir of angles singing above. Basically this is pornography for helpless romantics.

Then there’s MacGruber, the SNL film based off of Will Forte’s bumbling MacGyver rip-off who never can seem to save the day – or be sexy for that matter. Don’t get me wrong, Mac certainly has no problem laying his seed, whether it’s with Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) or his dead wife Casey Fitzpatrick (Maya Rudolph), but there’s certainly no erotic novel type sex going down.

During the first bone-fest, Kristen Wiig gets the business from Mac when the mood is set by her digging around in an open wound located on this leg, which prompts Mac’s exclamation for his love of “holes.” Yup, that gets the engines revving, as Vicki and Mac take their loving to the bedroom for what starts out as an extremely sensual experience – but then reality takes over.

In what can only be described as the most straight forward and animalistic representation of sex on the big screen, Mac hammers away at Vicki while making the strangest faces, emitting the most obnoxious grunts, and ending with an O face no one would ever admit to. F*ck overplayed Hollywood lovemaking, this is what’s going on behind the closed doors of normal humans who don’t have the production value for a typical steamy cinematic sex scene – and not to mention it’s completely hilarious. You can even see Kristen Wiig trying her hardest not to laugh in the scene, turning her head from the camera when she has to, as Will Forte masters the art of unsexy love-making.

But once isn’t enough for Mac. Nope, after Vicki, he goes to the grave of his dead wife to mourn his betrayal where Casey appears as a ghost. First sharing loving words, Mac once again gets the mood going, and starts railing Casey right on her tombstone – and it only gets less sexy. Between the grunting and proclamations of “shooting,” the camera cuts away every now and then to show MacGruber is literally just humping the air in a criminally hilarious act of unsexyness. Oh yeah, Maya Rudolph’s equally creepy noises only add to MacGruber’s strained “dirty-talk,” making the duo one of the most unsexy couples ever to “do it” on screen.

When backed in a sticky situation that needs a good throat rip, MacGruber is the only one you should turn to. If you want an extremely erotic romantic experience though, MacGruber should be the last person you turn to – unless being jackhammered by a wild moaning beast for a few minutes is your thing. No judgement!

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