2) We Gave The People What They Wanted!
Who gives a shit how that righteous Deadpool test footage got leaked (definitely not at gunpoint…tehehehehe!). Can we just rejoice that I..ugh..I MEAN DEADPOOL delivered EXACTLY as promised? YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA. Or, wherever you are that you’re reading this. BUENOS DIAS, SPANISH DEADPOOL FANS! DUCEN DUCEN, GERMANY! G’DAY, MATE, YOU AUSSIE LUNATICS! Say hi to Bub for me if he’s not fighting a dingo, eh?
In that brief glimpse of what-could-be, rookie phenom director Tim Miller teased EVERYTHING THAT MAKES ME AWESOME…I MEAN – alright, fuck it. I AM DEADPOOL, AND YOU’RE GONNA HEAR ME ROAAARRR. Donato is still breathing, I think, and he’ll be back to bore you with his stupid movie opinions another day. Fucker didn’t even like The Babadook! Nerd.
As I was saying, the Comic Con test footage was everything you loyal DP fans…hehe…have been CRAVING. HARDCORE DP ACTION UP IN THIS BITCH. Marvel was all…”Oh, but Deadpool, you can’t have a movie until $7 million dollars are shaved and we grow the balls to release a serious, mainstream, R-rated piece of art.”
Then the test footage came out and you ravenous hyenas gobbled it up like Honey Boo Boo’s Mom and a Worst Mother Of The Century Aaward! Sure, those wordy-people Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick trimmed the script, removing EVEN MORE EXPLODEY FUN [sad face], but no one let this movie die. We heard your cries, and answered with gratuitous violence, masturbation jokes, middle fingers everywhere, and a buttload more masturbation jokes. Like a pinky to the stinky, you’re welcome. We knew it’d work, and THE CRITICS HAVE SPOKEN! Donato’s only alive because of this review.
Except this snooty New Yorker guy.
Or this guy from a business magazine?
