Donald Trump disease hands drama thickens, both hands now affected, official excuse increasingly flimsy

It probably hasn’t escaped your attention that something is up with the president’s hands. Donald Trump‘s hands have long been a subject of fascination for the nation, but especially so over the last six months as strange swellings and discoloration became visible in press photos, with thick makeup pasted over the backs of his hands.

The White House was forced to make an official statement, dismissing the marks as simply the effect of Trump shaking too many hands each day. White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt explained to the press that the marks are due to Trump’s just working so darn hard, arguing that he “meets more Americans and shakes their hands on a daily basis than any other president in history.”

Trump has caked makeup on the backs of both hands tonight pic.twitter.com/EMVbKejUXU

— The okayest poster there is (@ok_post_guy) April 29, 2026

Uh-huh. Well, that particular excuse has now been blown out of the water, as new images from last night’s White House state dinner showed that the rot has also spread to his left hand. So, unless he’s now shaking too many hands with his left hand, Leavitt was lying (shocking, I know).

What are they hiding?

Trump's hands are looking gnarly today pic.twitter.com/GGNffllhlO

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 28, 2026

So what’s really going on and why is the White House so eager to cover this up? Some theorize Trump’s hand decay is linked to his official diagnosis of chronic venous insufficiency, meaning his body cannot pump blood around it sufficiently, thus causing damage to his extremities. Others say these are the result of treatment for precancerous lesions.

Some speculate that Trump may be quietly suffering from syphilis, possibly contracted while he was sleeping around in the late 90s. He described avoiding STDs at this time as “my personal Vietnam”, but perhaps one got through the net?

But, frankly, we don’t know and won’t know until an official announcement. But there are a few things we know for sure. It’s an objective fact that something is very wrong with Trump’s hands. Whatever that is has been deemed important enough to be covered up by the White House, with whoever’s in charge of his image applying pancake make-up to them in an effort to hide them.

Now we know for certain that the official line about him shaking too many hands is nonsense. Some day, the truth of Trump’s health will emerge, but even without knowing that, it’s safe to assume an overweight man rapidly approaching his 80th birthday with a cheeseburger habit who does little exercise isn’t going to be a model of physical perfection.