Have you ever wondered what human flesh tastes like? I really hope the answer to that question is a big fat no, but just in case it’s actually “yes” then you’re in luck. Allegedly, it’s kinda like Spam.
This stomach-turning bit of trivia comes to us courtesy of TikTok user Lady Fitz. Taking part in a trend that encourages people to “say the weird thing” and dish out their most disturbing factoids, the TikToker pretty much ended the game then and there as she decided to put the entire world off their lunch for the rest of time. “Did you know,” she revealed, “that Spam has the closest consistency to human flesh and is used to wean off cannibals?”
OK, so… We have a lot of questions.
First of all, Lady Fitz may have just singlehandedly tanked Spam sales as it looks like nobody who’s seen this video is going near a tin of the stuff again. “I am never eating spam thank you for that,” replied one comment. “I knew there was a reason I refuse to touch that mess,” said another, feeling vindicated. Still, someone else thought the comparison actually made total sense: “I imagine I do taste like spam because I, too, am incredibly salty.”
For others, meanwhile, that wasn’t the most alarming thing that Lady Fitz said. “I’m more concerned that there’s a weaning program for cannibals,” wrote one. “Ok but like how many cannibals are we weaning a year? Because that’s terrifying,” asked another. Also, who are the ones doing the weaning? “Who is weaning cannibals off human flesh??” asked one, hopefully not “asking for a friend.”
Alternatively, some commenters got into the spirit of the things and decided to serve up other comparisons between human flesh and food. “The pressure required to bite through a human finger is the same as biting a carrot in half,” reads one response, that’s destined to generate a ghoulish image in your mind. And speaking of minds, what do they taste like? Don’t worry, another comment has got you covered: “Also tofu has a close consistency to the brain.”
Let’s be real here for a moment, though: is Spam actually a close match to human flesh and is it used to wean off cannibals? It’s unclear where Lady Fitz got her intel from — we’re praying not from first-hand experience — but there’s not much out there that backs up her claim.
The notion, which may have become something of an urban legend, appears to derive from travel writer Paul Theroux, who fielded his personal theory in his book The Happy Isles of Oceania. “It was a theory of mine that former cannibals of Oceania now feasted on Spam because Spam came the nearest to approximating the porky taste of human flesh,” Theroux posited. “‘Long pig’ as they called a cooked human being in much of Melanesia.”
Whatever the truth, now that the internet’s thinking more about cannibalism than they have since the whole Armie Hammer situation, an older TikTok from 2021 is going viral again. The iconic video features user Emily Dahl explaining the psychological desire behind, and effects that can be caused by, becoming a cannibal, all while fixing her makeup.
All in all, if you’re someone that enjoys Spam and are worried you’ve been snacking on a cannibalism gateway drug this whole time, just relax, Lady Fitz’s fact might be fiction. Although if you also love the crunch of a carrot as you bite into it and the texture of tofu then maybe you should just turn yourself in now.
