Prepare yourself for some psychic damage, as social media is convinced that two of the worst people in the world have shacked up. After his disastrous performance at the presidential debate earlier this week, Donald Trump is on the ropes and has doubled down on his wild claims of roving gangs of Haitian immigrants steadily consuming the dogs, cats, and geese of Springfield, Ohio.
The likely source of this nonsense? Far-right mover and shaker Laura Loomer, a figure so repugnant and off-putting that even Marjorie Taylor Greene (!!!) thinks she’s a dangerous racist. Over recent months Loomer has attached herself to the Trump campaign like a remora cozying up to a Great White Shark and is now a fixture at Trump’s side.
Far-right influencers are no strangers in the Trump sphere, but let’s just say eyebrows are raised at quite how close Trump and Loomer appear to be:
Trump with his arm around her waist? Loomer casually telling Trump “I love you?” Trump simpering that Loomer is “softer than she looks?” The two being pictured in very close contact with one another, with Loomer’s chest pressed against Trump’s corpulent abdomen? I mean, you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to draw some conclusions!
Plus, while we can’t verify the accuracy of this claim, Loomer has allegedly been staying over at Mar-A-Lago and Trump isn’t wearing a wedding ring.
So where’s Melania in all this? In recent months she’s kept a relatively low profile, though we would have expected her to appear alongside her husband at the 9/11 memorial service as she lives in New York City. But Melania was nowhere to be found at this important event. But uh, guess who was? Bah god, that’s Loomer’s music!
Let’s be (grudgingly) fair to Trump and Loomer for a moment. Assuming that a woman working for a man on a political campaign is only there because she’s sleeping with him is sexist. Plus, just because two people show close physical intimacy in public and offer sweet words about the other doesn’t mean they’re romantically entangled. But, well, if I were Melania I’d be fighting the urge to snoop through my man’s DMs right now.
If a story like this were proven it’d stop any other presidential campaign in its tracks. But Trump? Well, he’s had many highly public affairs and the world spent a large part of the year going over the minutiae of him paying to sleep with a porn star. If the news broke that Trump/Loomer was a thing, the repulsion would be real, but we suspect the MAGAsphere would keep on rolling.
But even in this warped timeline where the thread of hope has long been severed, we have to believe that most people would react to a Trump/Loomer affair with the naked horror and disgust it deserves. The only reaction we can muster up is to channel Arrested Development‘s Michael Bluth, and mutter a confused “Donald… her?”
Published: Sep 13, 2024 07:18 am