‘That dimwit is a disgrace’: Loony Laura Loomer attacks Marjorie Taylor Greene for watching football instead of helping her underwater state

Life is full of mysteries that boggle the mind – like how a single teaspoon of a neutron star weighs about a billion tons, or the fact that cats are moonlighting as sushi masters in an alternate world where fish rain from the sky to the morbidly amusing reality that you’re more likely to be sent to an early grave by a rogue vending machine than a shark. 

These little enigmas, however, pale in comparison to the unexplainable phenomenon of Donald Trump‘s magnetism, especially to women who should know better. Yes, somehow the bloated “kid creep” Oompa Loompa is a true master of seduction. Some might say that his constant farting –a noxious exclamation point at the end of a particularly pungent thought – is a deeper issue that has the power to disperse a whole crowd, leaving him waving at empty air. But to the women who flock to his side, it’s clearly another endearing quirk, like a cute little hiccup or a charming nervous tic.

Cue Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Georgia Representative who apparently thought that playing hooky with the former president as Hurricane Helene tore through her home turf. While the good people of Georgia were battening down the hatches and praying for salvation, Greene was busy jet-setting off to Tuscaloosa, Alabama, to snuggle up to the Donald at the Alabama-Georgia college football showdown.

“A MAN OF THE PEOPLE!!” the conspiracy theorist and Trump’s model Republican girl who literally blows up cars (not kidding) captioned an image of herself with Trump on X. “Great to see President Trump tonight in Tuscaloosa,” she gushed, adding, “100K strong to Make America Great Again!!!” Yes, because nothing says “making America great” like abandoning your state during a natural disaster.

Maybe Greene was so lost in Trump’s embrace that time stood still, just like Einstein said it does for starry-eyed lovers, while blissfully unaware of the carnage unfolding back home. Hurricane Helene claimed the lives of at least 25 unfortunate Georgians and left millions more without access to basic necessities like clean water and electricity. Across six states, the death toll climbed to 102, with hundreds more missing.

In a twist, the last person you’d expect to talk sense made the most valid point. The self-styled “guerrilla journalist” and dog food eater Laura Loomer hopped on X to rip Greene a new one for her poorly-timed gallivanting with Trump. 

What could possibly have prompted this uncharacteristic display of human decency from Loomer? Could it be that she’s green with envy over seeing Greene with her MAGA messiah? We shouldn’t forget it was Greene’s scathing rebuke that sparked a MAGA mutiny against the unhinged Loomer just a few weeks prior.

It all kicked off when Greene put Loomer on blast for claiming that the White House would “smell like curry” if Kamala Harris were to be elected president. Loomer fired back by crashing a Sept. 11 memorial event with Trump and calling the Georgia representative “extremely jealous and vindictive” and a few other choice words that aren’t fit to print. Interestingly, Trump managed to dodge Loomer’s rage.

As it turns out, Loomer and Trump have been carrying on a torrid Cleopatra-Julius like affair right under poor Melania’s upturned nose. The proof is in the pudding, or in this case, the compilation video that’s been making the rounds on X, featuring all manner of cringe-inducing PDA between the old man and Loomer. You can see for yourself how the two are making goo-goo eyes at each other, while Trump’s tiny hands slither around Loomer’s waist as she presses herself against his ample gut.

Loomer’s been stuck to the elderly convicted felon like a barnacle to a whale’s backside. But just like an orca floundering in stormy seas, Loomer might be in for a rude awakening. After all, she wouldn’t be the first journalist to get a little too “cozy” with a mammal-slaying presidential hopeful, if you catch my drift. Better take notes, Laura. As for the ongoing feud between Loomer and Greene, perhaps it’s time for these two unhinged conspiracy theorists to call a truce and maybe even get jobs doing literally anything else.