Remember back in the 90s, when people spoke exclusively via Friends quotes, and Google was still just a search engine? They were simpler times. Better times. Especially regarding video games. For a while, your precious playthings were still physical entities, encased in plastic cartridges, and the notion of downloading extras for them was the stuff of science fiction. Like Velcro.
As it stands today, the highest paid athlete in the world is boxer Floyd Mayweather. His earnings, with no endorsements, total some $105 million dollars. Footballer Christiano Ronaldo comes in second, with his bank manager gleefully overseeing around $80 million a year. Imagine that. Getting paid such substantial amounts for doing something you love every day, something that could hardly be considered a "job" at all.
So there it is then. After months of anticipation, E3 has finally revealed all the games you were desperate as hell to play - and confirmed that you won't be playing them until this time next year. Terrific. And as if the words "coming 2015" weren't haunting enough, there were plenty of other notable offences from each press conference that I'm too self-entitled to let slide.
"Xbox One allows us to do things we've never done before." These are the words of Bonnie Ross - general manager of current Halo-making people 343 Industries - and they're blindingly obvious. Of course advanced technology will let you do more advanced stuff, but just what that stuff is is likely to be a mystery for quite a while yet. We can safely assume it means the game will have a brand new engine, and subsequently look divine, but who cares about that? Okay, fine... everyone. But Halo 5: Guardians is still going to need a whole bunch more to keep the franchise interesting.
So, there it is then. The new trailer for Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. Except, it's a franchise that's now basically synonymous with creating its sequels using "ctrl + V" shortcuts, so how much of it is really new? It's not a series in its death throes, by any stretch of the imagination, and even middle-of-the-road reviews for last year's Ghosts couldn't stop it from selling $1 billion worth of units in just 24 hours. But overall - compared with the previous Black Ops 2 numbers - sales were down.
It comes around quick, doesn't it? Seems like only yesterday that Microsoft were announcing the terribly exciting Killer Instinct and now we're already bored of it. They also announced they'd move both Heaven and Earth to stop you playing used games, you filthy cheapskate. And look how that turned out. Sony's Jack Tretton joyfully trolled them for it at the time, though, much to the delight of a whooping, Jerry Springer crowd. And then Nintendo probably revealed some stuff, too, but who really cares about that?
In this next-gen era where we're all obsessed with graphics, AI (or artificial intelligence) is something of an underdog. It's the lame, divorced uncle that no one wants to sit next to at dinner parties. The one who also happens to be a trash collector for a living, which means that - much like the AI in games - he's utterly necessary but frequently undervalued.
Making a game is really expensive. I mean, like really expensive. Way more expensive than making a cake, or a wardrobe. Games are a lot more fun and interesting though, so it's all relative - right? I mean, what video game would be less fun than looking at a wardrobe? Especially when the cash thrown at it is so immense.
Gaming is an interactive medium. You press buttons and some stuff happens, that much is elementary. What might not be so obvious however, is just how that "stuff" is governed. Sure, videogames occupy realms of near limitless possibilities in theory - like flying around the galaxy, going to war, or simply wearing dungarees while jumping a mushroom - but in practice all of this can only be achieved within a strict amount of input commands. You can't, for example, be running around on Call of Duty and suddenly decide you want throw your gun at a useless teammate, or change your underwear or whatever. There's no button for that. No option in the menus.