Barbies/Commando Elite from Small Soldiers
Alright, let’s get past the fact that Small Soldiers is a children’s movie, let’s get past how f#cking awesome it is, and let’s get past how it’s not supposed to be scary in the least – then let’s all admit how terrifying it would be if your house was attacked by murderous toys which have a mind of their own.
Seriously, look at the big picture implications here. Scientists have the technology to bring plastic soldiers to life with a complete military mindset, capable of killing without any remorse. Armed to the teeth with knives, scissors, and any other sharp, metal object they can get their grubby hands on, they then upgrade their armory to flaming tennis ball shooting contraptions which can cause mass devastation. Sure, you could hold off twenty, thirty, fifty Commando Elites if need be, but an entire army? Just think of all the Commando Elite toys one company could make – and then imagine them all escaping. Gorgonite eradication may be their prime objective, but you better believe there will be human casualties.
No way man, the last thing I need is to be stabbed by a deformed barbie doll who is just another henchman reporting to Major Chip Hazard. As he says himself – “There will be no mercy.”
Alright, so which villains do you fear will break into your house and torture you mercilessly? Did we miss any big ones?
*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:
Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb
Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro
Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where Remy and I talk about our favorite underrated zombie movies!
Published: May 29, 2013 01:42 pm