Nato And Remy’s Last Stand: Six Horror Movies We Could Have Lived Through

Nato – Gremlins

*OK, I’m cheating here a tad because our main character doesn’t die, but I can still apply my knowledge to the situation!

You’re given the gift of a mystical creature no one else will ever have, he’s absolutely adorable, brightens the mood of everyone around him, sings, chills in bed with you, and all you have to do is follow three simple rules – never get it wet, don’t shine bright light on it, and never feed it after midnight. Simple, right? Yes, for anybody but Zach Galligan’s character Billy Peltzer. Honestly, the way he treats Gizmo makes me wish the Humane Society stepped in and rescued this little Mogwai, making sure Gizmo’s sad face appeared in a commercial with Sarah McLachlan playing in the background.

I mean, it’s easy, just follow the rules. Billy repeatedly flashes bright lights at Gizmo, prompting his heart-melting cries for help “BRIGHT LIGHT! BRIGHT LIGHT!” Poor little guy! But if consistently tormenting Gizmo through stupidity wasn’t enough, Corey Feldman then displays his lack of coordination like an awkward superhero by spilling a cup of water on Giz. You’re two for three there big guy, you’ve got one more strike. Can Billy save his at bat? Of course not. All the other Mogwais get Billy to feed them after midnight, thanks to some devious trickery, and thus our terrorizing Gremlins were born – kicking Gizmo’s ass along the way.

What would I have done differently? Um, how about be a responsible pet owner, especially with the most fantastical creature ever? How could you not want to do everything in your power to keep such an enchanting creature from the moment he pops out of his little box? I’d have those rules plastered in my head, and there’s no way I’d ever let anything like that happen to my Gizmo. No bright lights is simple – keep the shades closed, avoid reflections, flashlights, anything of that nature. No water? Great, just don’t be a klutzy idiot, it’s not like Gizmo is trying to jump in pools or anything. He knows just as much to be good, all you’ve got to do is work with him. Oh, and no feeding after midnight? Just look at a clock you dummy. Again, Giz isn’t going to try and fool you, those were just his water clones, so as long as you’ve only got Giz to worry about, he’ll help you out with that one as well. Simple, see? Crisis averted, no slimy Gremlins running around, and everyone can have an epic, safe Christmas.

Oh, and you’ve got the greatest chick magnet in the world. You think having a dog is adorable? How could this not work:

Or this:

Great, now I’m depressed again because I’ll never own a Gizmo…

Alright readers, which horror movies do you think you could make it out of alive and what would you have done differently? Use that horror logic you’ve gained from watching countless horror movies!

*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:

Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb

Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro

Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where Remy and I talk about our favorite home invasion horror villains!