Nato And Remy’s Last Stand: Death Is Such A Cockblock

Remy – That Hoe’s Got a Hose from 2001 Maniacs

You know what I hate? “For the love of all things holy, NO – we don’t want to know what you hate.”

I hate when some farm girl is riding my Johnson like a wild mustang, she puts a hose into my mouth, and makes me choke on poisonous gasses that eat away my body while she reaches completion. Selfish bitch. At least let me finish first.

And THAT, my friends, was the line that finally ensured I will be spending an eternity in Hell, forced to clean the Devil’s taint with my favorite toothbrush while techno music plays in the background. I bid you adieu.

Nato – L is for HOLY F#CKING SH*TBALLS from The ABCs Of Death

Hand it to writer/director Timo Tjahjanto, because this dude literally ruined sex for me for, like, ten minutes after I saw this film. I swear. Total boner killer. Why? Well, for starters, the horror short depicts a competition where victims are forced to…ugh…OK…here it goes…where victims are forced to masturbate to increasingly messed up scenarios, with a winner being determined as each level increases intensity. How do you win? Simple – “finish” first. What happens if you lose? It’s The ABCs Of Death dummy – you die.

So, our main character is wanking his way to victory, passing stages that include a girl taking off her prosthetic leg and pleasuring herself (I swear, this is hard to even recall right now), but he unfortunately meets his match when…I don’t know if I even can. Shit. OK, whatever – our “hero” loses when a fat man drags a small boy out for the next level. Yeah, shit gets REAL dark, I mean even farther beyond anything I could have ever predicted. Suffice it to say, our main character’s winning streak ends when he can’t get aroused (thankfully) by such a despicable, disgusting, downright vomit-inducing act (which is NOT shown, but the suggestion is enough) – but his competitor can.

This is where the death comes in. Our character wakes to find a gorgeous Indonesian female riding him like a bucking bronco, and he’s enjoying the hell out of it – then he turns to see two “contestants” doing their business and watching him. This is when his partner takes out a chainsaw. Then she cuts into him, spraying blood everywhere. Death by pleasure, f#ck it.

Oh, but I swear creator Timo Tjahjanto is an awesome dude despite him absolutely messing my mind up with his amazingly horrific short. For real! I interviewed him and everything – totally normal and nice dude!

Listen, Remy and I know there are so many more scenes like this out there, so which ones messed with you the most? Did we miss any iconic horror sex death scenes? More importantly though, have you learned your lesson?

*A special thanks to Remy for stepping in to guest write! Feel free to follow either of us on Twitter for even more insanity and updates:

Matt Donato Follow @DoNatoBomb

Remy Carreiro Follow @RemyCarreiro

Like what you read? Check out last week’s article where Remy and I talk about six of the most deadly yet adorable creatures to ever woo us then slay us!