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Ranking The Best Picture Nominees For The Oscars

So one of the nice side benefits of perpetual unemployment, other than learning to translate which Craigslist job ads are for porn (read: ALL OF THEM), is that you've got plenty of time to catch up on movies. In a first, I've actually managed to see every Best Picture nominee that the year has had to offer, so I thought I'd drop my two cents on how they all measure up. Even with snubs to both The Master, and my own personal favorite movie of the year, this is a strong selection of films, and everything on this list is absolutely worth checking out. So enjoy, and remember: I'm not an authority on these matters, I'm the ONLY* authority on these matters!!!

9: Les Misérables

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Apparently Anne Hathaway is one of the internet’s most polarizing actresses, a fact I’ve only recently become aware of (for the record: she’s awesome. Deal, haters). So, perhaps it’s fitting that her teary-eyed rendition of “I Dreamed A Dream” is Les Mis’ big litmus test. If you crumple into an inconsolable heap at the raw emotion onscreen, you’ll be weepy putty in the film’s clutches, and probably love every second of it.

If you’re like me though, you’ll spend the whole time wondering what the hell convinced director Tom Hooper to shoot his big showstopper like an off-angle Sinead O’Conner video. The next two hours will devolve into a relentless slog through scattershot storytelling, and baffling direction choices.

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