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Ranking The Best Picture Nominees For The Oscars

So one of the nice side benefits of perpetual unemployment, other than learning to translate which Craigslist job ads are for porn (read: ALL OF THEM), is that you've got plenty of time to catch up on movies. In a first, I've actually managed to see every Best Picture nominee that the year has had to offer, so I thought I'd drop my two cents on how they all measure up. Even with snubs to both The Master, and my own personal favorite movie of the year, this is a strong selection of films, and everything on this list is absolutely worth checking out. So enjoy, and remember: I'm not an authority on these matters, I'm the ONLY* authority on these matters!!!

7: Beasts of the Southern Wild

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“This movie totally makes me reevaluate my existential understan- awww, look at da kiddie.”

I’d be totally cool if every movie season featured a breakout piece of genre ethnography, one that also served as a coming out party for a majorly talented young actress. Winter’s Bone introduced Jennifer Lawrence as an unlikely gumshoe, probing the seedy side of an Ozarks community that’s somehow more depressing than the nuclear wasteland of The Hunger Games, and Beasts of the Southern Wild is its magical realist sister film… just one that’s a few states removed.

Six year-old Quvenzhané Wallis is astonishing as the linchpin to this apocalyptic bayou fairy tale, and without her, the whole thing would have gone pear-shaped. First-time director Behn Zeitland combines dreamy visuals and a fantastic score into one enchanting little package, even when his “mouth of babes” philosophizing grows dangerously close to heavy-handed.

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