Oklahoma woman says ex-husband is a pedophile. Then police responds to a deadly domestic violence call: ‘Saying ‘you should leave’ is the worst thing’

Warning: The following article mentions domestic abuse and violence. Please read with caution.

There’s a trend on social media where people jokingly sit down for one of Netflix’s murder documentaries and then air their often petty grievances, with captions such as, “Preparing for when Netflix makes a documentary about dating a Virgo.” However, an Oklahoma TikTok influencer Sara Gilson took a much darker route, suggesting hers would be about how her ex-husband is a pedophile. Twelve days after posting the video, police found Gilson and her husband dead in an apparent murder-suicide.

The video has since gone viral again following the tragedy. And now the comment section is full of people saying it is time to finally take a stand against the persistent problem of femicide. One user wrote, “Let’s not pretend he murdered her because of this TikTok. She filed an emergency protective order on June 10th and extended it on June 23rd. He was a known threat to her before this video was made.”

Another added, “THIS IS WHY WOMEN STAY SILENT!!! Because there is no ‘getting out’ without consequences—safe house stays, protection orders that are a piece of paper, and they get KILLED. SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE!”

He had a well documented legal history

According to USA Today, the Owasso Police Department responded to Gilson’s home after receiving a report that Jeremiah “Shawn” Duffey and Gilson had been found dead. Both had suffered gunshot wounds.

As the TikTok user pointed out, the two had a well-documented legal history before the tragic end to their lives. On June 10, Gilson filed for an emergency protective order against Duffey, asking the court to remove him from their home and require him to stay at least 100 yards away from her. Notably, in her filing, Gilson told the court that Duffey owned a firearm and had repeatedly threatened suicide. Her request was ultimately granted.

That same day, the mother of a 15-year-old also sought a protective order against Duffey. He had reportedly been her daughter’s basketball coach. Court documents alleged that Duffey invited the teenager into his hotel room and touched her inappropriately. She, too, was granted a protective order.

Owasso Police Capt. Nick Boatman said, “Similar conduct by this coach towards this particular juvenile player was reported to have occurred over an extended period of time, in multiple law enforcement jurisdictions, across multiple states prior to this incident.”

Leaving is more complex than most realize

According to Angela Lee, a director at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, leaving abusive relationships is often far more complicated than many people realize. Lee said, “Saying ‘you should leave’ is the worst thing that you could do to a victim who has acknowledged to you that they are going through an abusive relationship or even an unhealthy relationship.” She continued, “Gaslighting is real, and sometimes they’ll be left thinking it was their fault.”

Lee said it is important not to pass judgment on loved ones in situations like this. Instead, she said, people should ask what barriers are preventing victims from safely leaving abusive relationships.

As Lee put it, “Leaving isn’t just about walking out the door; it’s about rebuilding their entire life.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.