Um, why was Katie Britt’s cringey post-SOTU dramatic monologue the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen?

Joe Biden may not have Barack Obama’s talent for oration, but the final State of the Union address of his first term was powerful enough to shake MAGA Republicans to their core.

It was by no means a perfect speech, but Biden — even through occasional stumbles and Marjorie Taylor Greene’s distant screeching — managed to deliver his talking points with poise and even pivoted effortlessly on several occasions to twist Republican talking points in his favor. The result was a respectable address that left the GOP with little room for criticism, which I can only assume is the culprit behind the party’s decision to post a terrifying, brutally cringey video featuring Katie Britt in the wake of the speech.

If you’ve never heard of Britt, don’t beat yourself up. She’s barely a blip in American politics, and — unless you’re from Alabama — it’s entirely likely that she’s never crossed your screen before. The 41-year-old is presently serving as Alabama’s junior senator, but — in classic Repiblican style — she’s used that elevated position to do little more than whine about Biden and echo the same tired talking points that people far more relevant popularized.

Britt’s overacted, but somehow still wooden, delivery could give Jared Leto’s Michael Morbius a run for his money. She delivered the more than 17-minute speech from her kitchen table, a bizarre decision that doesn’t make her nearly as approachable as she was no doubt hoping.

Delivering many of her lines with the breathless, smiling desperation of someone being held at gunpoint, Britt largely used her platform to criticize the same thing everyone on the right is currently fixated on: the border. She decried Biden’s decision to treat immigrants, even the illegal ones, like actual human beings, and once again touted Laken Riley’s name as an example of the threats provided by a so-called “open border.”

Aforementioned screeching weasel Marjorie also worked to use Riley’s story against Biden, but the president smoothly stole her thunder mid-speech. As he was delivering talking points of his own in his State of the Union address, Greene tried to trip Biden up by demanding he “say her name,” and Biden muzzled her in spectacular style. He even held up the pin Greene gave him when he first entered the chamber, emphasizing the importance of keeping Americans safe and, yes, saying the name “Laken Riley” even though fence-attacker Marj and Lauren “my son breaks into cars and steals things” Boebert insisted he wouldn’t. He then seamlessly pivoted to an explanation of his own border policy and why it exists in its current form, deflating Greene like a Christmas decoration in March.

Many of the issues Britt highlighted in her overdramatic, cringey, high school drama class performance are real, genuine problems faced by Americans, but they aren’t issues caused by Biden. The impending recession, border control issues — let’s not forget that Republicans killed the border bill — and even the mounting “dangers” Britt emphasized in her speech are not Democrat-exclusive issues. They’ve been building for years now and many of them have the same, orange-tinted spot on them.

Britt’s unhinged, plastic speech even labeled the American dream a “nightmare,” but the only nightmare I see is Britt’s unflinching smile, plastered onto her face with a daunting intensity that will haunt my dreams for weeks. Her manufactured performance is just begging for a good SNL recreation (your move, Chloe Fineman), and people are already dreaming up what comedy gold will be born of her weirdly dystopian energy. There’s plenty to work with here, even if NBC will have to tap a brunette Barbie doll or V-Tuber to perform the role. Rumors of Britt being an AI plant even arose due to the unnerving and disingenuous energy she applied throughout. (Seriously, if she had an acting coach, somebody needs to fire him, and if she didn’t, honey ⏤ quit while you’re ahead.)

Unfortunately, Britt is not an AI creation. She’s a real person, albeit a painfully fake one, and she serves as a leader in our nation. She, along with the rest of the GOP clown show, are hard at work making their vision of the “perfect America” real, and that ideal nation would rob a bulk of U.S. citizens of their rights. There’s real danger behind that plastic smile, which we could never see on our screens again and it would definitely still be too soon.