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Donald Trump
Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Latest Political Tea: The Divided States and a hungry hippo pick a predator for president as Bette Midler gags at Trump’s revealing impulse

Yes, a convicted felon and rapist with perpetual saggy elephant crotch is our new president. Back to bed!

This week marked a historic moment in American politics. The 2024 election has officially come and gone, and it saw the United States welcome its first-ever female president.

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Oh wait, no we didn’t. We elected a 78-year-old dementia-ridden felon back into office, fixating ourselves in a horrific quagmire for another four years of hell. Fear has overtaken the blossoming hope many Americans were starting to feel as we now look ahead to another agonizing stretch of the worst, most incompetent politicians this country has ever seen.

These absolute nincompoops share three brain cells between the lot of them, yet they’ll be making policy decisions for the next two years, minimum. They’ll continue to strip our education system, rob us of our rights, and destroy the pillars this nation was built on, all while lobbing petty, childish insults and insane conspiracy theories around like snowballs.

America is torn between agony and rage, reeling from the revelation that our own countrymen feel our existence should be policed. We are heartbroken, angry, and well aware that a fight looms. The soul of our country, and the lives of its citizens, are on the line, and the next four years will test our resolve.

Before the election was ever decided, JD Vance and Donald Trump were showing us exactly who they are as they employed petulant, juvenile tactics (and language) and watched as a slew of celebrities turned their backs on the toxic campaign. It wasn’t enough to get Kamala Harris elected, but it was enough to inspire the people of this nation to fight with whatever tools they have to keep our country free from hate. Anyway, here’s the latest batch of BS from this unfathomable clown show.

JD Vance goes from crying to campaigning with the same tactics as ‘hateful’ Kamala Harris

JD Vance
Photo by Stephen Maturen/Getty Images

Just days after joining the MAGA masses in a meltdown of truly toddler proportions, JD Vance engaged in the exact same tactics he was previously so adamantly against. In yet another tired repeat of 2016, Trump’s supporters were horrified by comments from current President Joe Biden when he seemingly referred to them as “garbage.” The party of “Let’s go Brandon” was instantly in its poor little name-calling feelings over the jab, but somehow that same criticism didn’t reach Vance when he used almost the exact same language to describe Kamala Harris mere days later. Taking a page out of Daddy Derision’s book, Vance blasted Harris as “trash” in a pre-election appearance, re-establishing that when it comes to the sleazy scum Trump surrounds himself with, there’s no bar too low. 

Even more major names rushed in ahead of the big vote to dish the deets on Donny dearest 

Dick Van Dyke and Rihanna
(L) Photo by Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images (R) Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for The Daily Front Row

Kamala Harris already boasted broad support from some of America’s biggest celebrities in the weeks leading up to the election, but as the big day came crashing in, even more joined in to make their voices heard. The wizened words of George Takei and Dick Van Dyke carry immense weight, but it’s the harsh words of people like Mickey Rourke — whose vitriol once earned him a visit from the Secret Service — and Badgirl RiRi that are really landing in the wake of the contentious election. Hell, even God (the X account, not the deity) chimed in to blast Trump as a “tiresome, unstable, vicious, whiny, X-rated, yapping zero.”

And yet, in a sobering glimpse of the brainwashed lunacy (or is it just misogyny, racism, and homophobia?) running rampant across the Divided States, somehow the majority of Americans thought you-know-who deserved a second shot at power. Many a Democrat are already counting down the days until these “useful idiots” realize what they’ve done, but until then, predatory men might want to get nice and comfortable not getting any for the next four years.

To get the rest of the tea, which this week includes a hungry hippo’s psychic powers and Trump’s newly-revealed interest in deepthroating, be sure to sign up for WGTC’s They Said What?! Newsletter.


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Author
Image of Nahila Bonfiglio
Nahila Bonfiglio
Nahila carefully obsesses over all things geekdom and gaming, bringing her embarrassingly expansive expertise to the team at We Got This Covered. She is a Staff Writer and occasional Editor with a focus on comics, video games, and most importantly 'Lord of the Rings,' putting her Bachelors from the University of Texas at Austin to good use. Her work has been featured alongside the greats at NPR, the Daily Dot, and Nautilus Magazine.